Thursday, July 22, 2010

Political Raised Eyebrow

Dan Coats left eyebrow is our "Republican" hero! Daniel Ray "Dan" Coats left eyebrow was born May 16, 1943 and is the eyebrow of an American lawyer, politician, lobbyist, and diplomat. A member of the Republican Party, the eyebrow served as a United States Senator from Indiana from 1989 to 1999. The eyebrow was appointed to fill the seat vacated by Dan Quayle following his election as Vice President of the United States in 1988. Eyebrow won the 1990 special election to serve the remainder of Quayle's unexpired term, as well as the 1992 election for his own full six-year term. The graying eyebrow did not seek re-election in 1998.

Prior to the eyebrows service in the U.S. Senate, eyebrow was a member of the United States House of Representatives, representing Indiana's 4th congressional district from 1981 to 1989. After retiring from the Senate Coats served as U.S. Ambassador to Germany from 2001 to 2005. After serving as Ambassador, eyebrow grew out a little more and moved to Virginia as a senior Lobbyist and policy adviser at King & Spalding's Washington DC offices serving large corporate concerns and banking interests.

On February 10, 2010, eyebrow announced that it would relocate to Indiana to seek the US Senate seat held by Evan Bayh in the 2010 U.S. Senate election.  Coats was selected as the Republican nominee in the May 4, 2010 Indiana primary.

Eyebrow has come under criticism for being a "fat cat" lobbyist which it responded with a 825 page fact document that you can download here. We asked the eyebrow about the controversy.

WH: Eyebrow we understand that many people thing you are running for office just to to capitalize politically on popular anger with elites in Washington and Wall Street and with an exploding government that tramples on the little guy. What do you say to that criticism?

Eyebrow: (furrowed)

WH: Ok, Eyebrow is it true that you have become wealthy by working favors for the big banks, drug companies, automakers and others?

Eyebrow: (quizzical)

WH: Hmmm. Did you act on behalf of Cerberus Capital Management, the hedge fund that owned Chrysler, and lobby to expand the Wall Street bailout to Detroit?

Eyebrow: (upturned)

WH: Well then, did you lobby for the Lieberman-Warner climate change bill that would restrict energy use in the name of limiting greenhouse gas emissions on behalf of billionaire private-equity mogul Julian Robertson?

Eyebrow: (puzzled)

WH: Very interesting eyebrow, what about representing drug maker Amgen and PhRMA, who were some of the biggest spenders of all single-industry lobby groups over the past decade. And what about MDCO's priority -- a tailor-made five-year extension of MDCO's monopoly on one drug, Angiomax -- was slipped into the final reform bill. Should we be worried that you are pawn for big business instead of for the people?

Eyebrow: (up and to the left with a slight look of wisdom)

WH: Thanks for your time today eyebrow. A little friendly advice, since you are in the public eye maybe consider getting a trim.

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