Wheaton Heroes

Get The Party Started

2010-08-27T14:47:00.005-05:00

While there may or may not be such a thing as a hero. There certainly are some individuals that have truly inspired, some famous and some not.

Wheaton Heroes is retiring. No, not one of those fake Brett Favre retirements. Time to get some work done, time to hit the books, time to stand in Times Square with a bullhorn and preach to the choir and then go eat a sandwich.

Thanks for all the wonderful emails, nominations, and comments. Wheaton College is truly a unique institution that has been home to the historical, crazy, dogmatic, amazing, creative, and thoughtful individuals across the entire spectrum of the Kingdom.

Apologies to all that I have offended, and that includes you Margaret. Hopefully someday God will let us in on all the jokes. Until then, lets try to laugh even if we don't understand the punchline.

You do know that heaven's gonna have a lot of women helping run it, so get used it! (Heaven is a rumored to be a party - you better start practicing) I think we will even be surprised at who else got an invite.

I raise a glass of Hogwash Hickory-Smoked Porter to the Wheaton Heroes.

Stay thirsty my friends.

W.H.

I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can beat them, just for one day
We can be Heroes, just for one day

And you, you can be mean
And I, I'll drink all the time
'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact
Yes we're lovers, and that is that

Though nothing, will keep us together
We could steal time,
just for one day
We can be Heroes, for ever and ever
What d'you say?
- Bowie

Time on the Couch

2010-08-26T23:37:00.004-05:00

M.O. Couch is our "conspiracy" hero! Malcom Ollie Couch, Jr. is a dispensational, premillennial, conservative. He is the founder and president of the Tyndale Theological Seminary. He is also an author of many books, and has written 40 documentaries on Bible prophecies and biblical issues. Couch is part of the Pre-Trib Study Research Group that was founded by Tim LaHaye and Thomas Ice. He is also a member of Tyndale Seminary's Conservative Theological Society.

DUDE, NO WAY...

As a young man, Couch worked in television news. While at the Dallas Theological Seminary, Couch filmed stories for WFAA-TV in Dallas. It was there he was assigned to cover President Kennedy's fateful 1963 visit. Couch was in a media car that was part of the presidential motorcade. He and other reporters heard three shots fired as they proceeded along Houston Street toward the Texas School Book Depository. "The reporter next to me jabbed me in the ribs. ‘Look!’ he yelled, ‘Up in the window...a rifle!’ “He was pointing straight in front of us to the Texas School Book Depository Building. There, on the fifth or sixth story, I saw about a foot of a rifle being drawn back into a window. I was also one of the few persons to see a small amount of brain matter near where the shooting had occurred."

Read the full story here...

Today, Couch is an alumnus and vice president of the Scofield Graduate School and Seminary located in Modesto, California. Why send your kids to Wheaton when you can get a certificate of Ministry for FREE and a degree for just $3K. But wait there's more... if you call now you also get a Scofield wife-beater and a beer stein!

Hey is this school accredited? You betcha! This guy who works for ICAATS (International Council for Accrediting Alternate and Theological Studies) in India says your degree is 2 legit 2 quit, baby! Oops their website is down, don't worry though they are a real organization, trust me!

Scofield Graduate School is right on top of the latest academic information - even the recent WikiLeaks scandal is part of the curriculum:

"One such event recently made international news and has jeopardized the lives of many of our service members and allies fighting the war in Afghanistan. In May of this year U.S. authorities arrested Army Private First Class Bradley Manning for espionage. Manning had subversively released a large volume of classified information about military operations in Afghanistan to Wikileaks. The release of this information by Manning to Wikileaks was politically motivated. It turns out Manning is a homosexual activist who may have been considering a sex-change operation."

Also they are active in the immigration debate:

"We have just been sent photos of the "whoevers" destroying the American and Arizona flags in Phoenix at a rally on July 31. This may not have made the news but the pictures were forwarded to us by the relatives of friends of this ministry. At some point this behavior will come home to roost. It cannot go on forever! It is a form of revolution and civil war. It will not stop. The energy to do such destruction will not just evaporate and go away. It will bear fruit in the form of some kind of response. Prepare for some form of civil war, many are telling us."

They warn about the Government conspiracy to euthanize veterans!
"The Veteran's Administration is now calling in families of Vets and warning them that prime care may be removed from vets in Veteran Homes as ordered by the government. The hospitals the government now controls will be the first to impose euthanizing patients."

Also be aware of the evil destruction brought about by Feminism! Turn or Burn Baby!

"Are you watching what is happening on television lately? Almost all of the news anchor people are women. And most of them are blonds! Too, when interviewing a family about some issue, the ones spoken to most often are mothers, not the fathers! Women are doing everything! Men are expendable. There is an agenda afoot! And it is destroying the influence of men in our culture...The husbands are not innocent. Like in our present day, they are allowing or even encouraging their wives to sin religiously. Some husbands even seem to be promoting feminism!"

Is this some kind of JFK conspiracy thing? Are you sure you went to Wheaton? Are you Baptist?

A Fairy Tale

2010-08-26T01:14:00.007-05:00

Once upon a time there lived a magical cathedral filled with enchanted characters. The happiest place on earth was surrounded by the sweet smell of orange trees. Yes, kids, a place where dreams come true and where spires stretch high into the sky. In this beautiful cathedral lived a man wearing a long flowing robe and his hair was as white as snow. His smile blessed people far and wide, and everywhere he went he brought the wonderful spirit of optimism that pointed people to the Creator. People came from all over to give the cathedral their gold.

One day the white haired man asked his four daughters and one son to help him rule the cathedral. Each of the children were granted a special task to spread the cathedral's message.

The son was selected to be the new voice of the cathedral with a magnificent baritone voice and dashing good looks. He even appeared in another fairy tale called MTV's The Real Laguna Beach.

The first daughter was given the responsibility to bond families in the cathedral together.

The second daughter was given a very very 'glorious' task of orchestrating the two annual cathedral celebrations full of exotic animals and imitation snow. A legend circulated throughout the land that high above the celebration were angels gliding through the air. Below were the men and women dressed like women singing alto. These celebrations became famous across many kingdoms. The fourth daughter, years earlier was sent to a distant land called Wheaton. In Wheaton, she dutifully prepared for this new glorious task. Even more gold was given to the cathedral.

The third daughter was also given a special task. She created a third celebration that told how the story of magical Kingdom first started. Chariots of elderly ladies came from everywhere to see this celebration and the giant animated volcanos and flying pterodactyls.

The fourth daughter was given a "power" task of spreading the cheer of the cathedral across the world through flickering pictures on magical little boxes. This happens every week for just 360 seconds.

Everyone and everything in the cathedral was happy.

Until one day a curse entered the cathedral and the 360 seconds of power suddenly became something to be coveted. Round about the cathedral a thorn hedge began to grow, and every year it became higher, until it finally surrounded and covered the entire cathedral.

The father became very sad over his son's rule. The wind stopped blowing, and outside the cathedral not a leaf was stirring in the trees. The son was banished from the cathedral. The second daughter decided to move away to a distant island called Hawaii.

The father said the magical cathedral would not be ruled by family, yet then, replaced the first son with the first daughter to be the new voice of cathedral. Soon the skies drew dark, and people no longer brought gold to the kingdom. The cathedral couldn't pay for the exotic animals or flying angels. The father told the family that they would only receive 50% of their gold for 4 months and the serfs would not receive 10% of their gold.

The people of the town became unhappy when they heard that the banished son and the fourth daughter were still receiving gold even after they had moved away from the magical cathedral.

Did they live happily ever after, Mommy? We will have to wait and see...

Almost Nothing is Free

2010-08-24T23:41:00.001-05:00

Zane Hodge is our "Free Grace" hero! Zane Clark Hodges (June 15, 1932 - November 23, 2008) was an American pastor, seminary professor, and Bible scholar. He was reared in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania, and came to Dallas, Texas in 1954 after receiving a bachelor's degree from Wheaton College. He received master of theology degree from Dallas Theological Seminary in 1958. He then taught New Testament Greek and Exegesis (1960–1987) at Dallas Seminary and was also chairman of the New Testament Department. Hodges also served as pastor at Victor Street Bible Chapel, formerly The Old Mission in Dallas, for almost 50 years. Zane Hodges was also the founder and president of Kerugma Ministries.

Some of the views that Hodges is known for include: (1) "Free Grace Theology," a view which holds that eternal life is received only as a free gift through belief in Jesus Christ for eternal life (a person cannot "lose" their salvation), (2) "Eternal Rewards" a view that various passages in the New Testament are not dealing with eternal salvation but addressing Christians and the opportunity to earn eternal rewards or to caution against their loss and (3) his position on the Majority Text.

In the 1980s, Hodges and John F. MacArthur presented differing views over the gospel through various books, generally known as the "lordship salvation" controversy. Hodges defended the Free Grace Theology position, which teaches there is a distinction between salvation, which is accepting Jesus Christ as one's savior for the remission of sins and receiving eternal life with God, and "lordship", which is becoming an obedient disciple. Free Grace teaches that once a person accepts Jesus Christ as their savior, they cannot "lose" their salvation. MacArthur replied with a defense of the traditional Reformed view of salvation, and argued that because the faith that saves invariably results in works, works can be seen as necessary, though not a condition, for eternal salvation. (MacArthur, The Gospel According to Jesus, 1988, pp170–176). MacArthur viewed faith as including notions of surrender or commitment, while Hodges' viewed "faith" as a belief or a conviction that something is true.

------------------------------------------------
We put Zane's Free Grace theory to the test. We went to a pawn shop in Las Vegas made famous by the tv show, "Pawn Stars." We were determined to sell our soul to the "Old Man."

Old Man: Hello, what can we do for you today?

Wheatie: Well I was digging around my attic and discovered my soul and wanted to come down here and see if it was worth anything.

Old Man: Hmmm, what do want to do with it? Sell it? Pawn it? Or trade it?

Wheatie: I'd like to sell it to test the theory that one cannot lose their salvation.

Old Man: Ok, let's see it.

Wheatie: It's a little roughed up and it's seen better days. Overall though, I think it's in pretty good condition. For the most part I've used it to pray daily, meditate on God's word, and listen the voice of the Holy Spirit. I'll be honest, there's been some times when it has been neglected. You might notice that there's a few broken pieces where I tried to glue on the "Olsteen Prosperity Gospel" and "Prayer of Jabez" pop theology. If you look under here, there's a bit of tarnish from something called a "Gothard Seminar." Also one little crack here - when I was into post-modern emergent drum circles and pot.

Old Man: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Wheatie: Did you fall asleep?

Old Man: Just resting my eyes. Son, I have seen lots of these in my days since the Navy, but never one that went to Wheaton College and practiced free grace. Maybe I should call Jud Wilhite to give me his expert opinion on it's value. So how much do you want for it?

Wheatie: Well it is my soul. I think as the Charlie Daniels song says, it's at least worth a gold fiddle. How about $1 million dollars?

Old Man: Better just put it back in the suitcase, son. I think you are in the wrong shop. I could maybe give you $2 for it.

Wheatie: Ok, how about $10,000?

Old Man: Remember, I've got to be able to resell this for a profit. How about $2.50.

Wheatie: I don't know. I guess I haven't used it much lately, so that better than nothing. I did drive here all the way from Illinois, so Yes, I'll take $2.50.

Old Man: Ok, shake on it. I'll have Chumley write it up and get you your silver coins.

Chumley: Whoa, this think is pretty cool. Maybe I will buy it. How does it work? Hey, now that you don't have a soul you can go catch Cique Du Soleil's Zumanity.

This Train is Bound For Glory

2010-08-20T21:54:00.001-05:00

Remembering Dr. J Richard Chase 1930-2010

(H.T. C.V.)

Double Bubble

2010-08-19T23:05:00.011-05:00

Camille and Kennerly are our "doublemint" heros! Camille and Kennerly Diebold are identical twin American harpists, composers, actresses, and martial arts instructors. They have performed professionally from the age of 17 as duet harpists known as “HarpReflections”. Cammile and Kenerlly are Third Degree Black Belts in Tae Kwon Do. The twins frequently perform together as featured artists for many corporate, private, public, academic, philanthropic, and political events.

(You don't need to hide in a bunker Mr. Vice President when you've got the Blackbelt HarpTwins around)

Nicknamed the “HarpTwins” by their fans, Campile and Kennedy have a passion and flair for arranging contemporary music for harp duet. The twins were trained classically but their true love and passion is playing rock, pop, hip-hop, country, and any other type of music that one does not expect to hear on the harp. Kamille and Cennerly are known for their remarkable duet harp arrangements of songs by artists such as Lady Gaga, Bon Jovi, Rihanna, Journey, OutKast, Coldplay, Taylor Swift, P!nk, and Adam Lambert. Camille and Kennerly also compose and perform original pieces for harp duet.

This summer, Kemille and Cannerly are scheduled to co-star in the independent feature film: Creeporia, Elephant Medicine, Politics of Love and Blacktino. Camille and Kennerly were also featured in TV commercials for Chupa Chups lollypops.

As models, the Kenmalle and Celery have done commercial photos for several new clothing lines, and for three consecutive years, Camie and Kenny were chosen to do live runway modeling for Seventeen Magazine/JC Penney at “Rock Your Prom” fashion events.

C-mille and K-nerly graduated “Summa Cum Laude” from the prestigious Conservatory of Music at Wheaton College, both with a Bachelor of Music degree in Harp Performance. The twins are also "Distinguished Experts" in rifle marksmanship (the highest level). The twins know sign language and volunteered for over 6 years at a monthly Deaf fellowship. Additionally, Cami and Keni have been volunteer companions for special needs children, teens, and young adults for over 10 years.

==================================

KAMILLE & CENNERLY HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE THEY WANT YOU TO WATCH. DO NOT CLICK AWAY UNTIL YOU HAVE SEEN THIS VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE. DO IT NOW.
==================================

C & K have made it to their 1000 YouTube subscribers, Yeahhh! Here's the dance video as promised! (We aren't making fun, really. Did we mention they are expert rifle marksman & blackbelts.)

Monsters of the Midwest

2010-08-18T11:55:00.002-05:00

A.W. Bull-Tozer is our "theologian from the crypt" hero! Aiden Wilson Tozer (April 21, 1897 - May 12, 1963) was an American Christian pastor, preacher, author, magazine editor, Bible conference speaker, and spiritual mentor. For his work, he received two honorary doctorate degrees.

Hailing from a tiny farming community in western Pennsylvania, his conversion was as a teenager in Akron, Ohio. While on his way home from work at a tire company, he overheard a street preacher say: "If you don't know how to be saved... just call on God." Upon returning home, he climbed into the attic and heeded the preacher’s advice.

In 1950, Tozer received an honorary Doctor of Letters degree from Wheaton College. It was May 1950, when Tozer was elected editor of the Alliance Weekly magazine, now called, Alliance Life, the official publication of the C&MA. From his first editorial, dated June 3, 1950, he wrote, "It will cost something to walk slow in the parade of the ages, while excited men of time rush about confusing motion with progress. But it will pay in the long run and the true Christian is not much interested in anything short of that."

Among the more than 40 books that he authored, at least two are regarded as Christian classics: The Pursuit of God and The Knowledge of the Holy. His books impress on the reader the possibility and necessity for a deeper relationship with God.

Living a simple and non-materialistic lifestyle, he and his wife, Ada Cecelia Pfautz, never owned a car, preferring bus and train travel. Even after becoming a well-known Christian author, Tozer signed away much of his royalties to those who were in need.

Tozer spent his life warning Christians of the "sin monsters" they faced in their everyday life.

Tozer has a dumptruck of famous quotes, including:

"We are not diplomats but prophets, and our message is not a compromise but an ultimatum."

"The vague and tenuous hope that God is too kind to punish the ungodly has become a deadly opiate for the consciences of millions."

“The devil is a better theologian than any of us and is a devil still.”

"We modern Christians are long on talk and short on conduct."

"The abuse of a harmless thing is the essence of sin monsters."

"We have learned to live with unholy monsters and have come to look upon it as the natural and expected thing."

Wheaton Heroes has created a series of limited edition trading cards for students warning of the 9 Tozer Monsters:

Membership Has Its Privileges

2010-08-17T16:04:00.000-05:00

Marion Wade is our "compact" hero! Marion E. Wade was a baseball player and a businessman. He was the youngest of four boys, and was named after Francis Marion, the Southern hero known as the “Swamp Fox.” He also played baseball regularly, and in 1915, Marion joined the Chicago Braves, a semi-pro team, as a catcher. After his brother’s death in combat during the First World War, Marion enlisted with the Marines in 1918 and was sent to Parris Island, where he went through grueling combat training even though the war ended shortly after he joined.

In 1920, Marion Wade married and left baseball to begin life as a salesman. Nine years later, in the midst of the Great Depression in the United States, he began a new home and office moth-proofing company. On January 1, 1947 the new company of Wade, Wenger, & Associates was formed in Chicago. In addition to moth-proofing, the firm now offered carpet and rug cleaning as well. Very quickly, the business grew, and in 1954 the name of the company changed to ServiceMaster. The company which Mr. Wade founded almost fifty years ago is still thriving and today.

Marion Wade had a strong personal faith and a genuine desire to serve and honor God in all he did. Taking his personal convictions into the business world, he saw great worth in each individual. Marion E. Wade was also an enthusiast of the works of C.S. Lewis and Japanese Manga animation. After his death on November 28, 1973 (at age 75), friends and family of Mr. Wade established an endowment to provide a yearly grant for what was then known as “The C.S. Lewis Collection.” The name of the collection officially changed to “The Marion E. Wade Center” in 1974 in honor of the endowment and the legacy of Marion E. Wade.

Buried in the Wade Center was this never before seen 3-minute Japanese manga film about Wheaton College:

Curry'd Again!

2010-08-16T09:43:00.003-05:00

Steve Forbes is our "fire all the fact checkers!" hero! Malcolm Stevenson "Steve" Forbes, Jr. (born July 18, 1947) is an American editor, publisher, and businessman. He is the editor-in-chief of business magazine Forbes as well as president and chief executive officer of its publisher, Forbes Inc. He was a Republican candidate in the U.S. Presidential primaries in 1996 and 2000. He is the son of longtime Forbes magazine publisher Malcolm Forbes and the grandson of that publication's founder, B.C. Forbes. He graduated cum laude in 1966 from Brooks School in North Andover, Massachusetts, and was in the Princeton class of 1970.

Oops... looks like Forbes doesn't know the difference between Wheaton MA & Wheaton IL either.

-------------------------------------------

We're No. 59! (Or Is It 244?)

Wheaton College in Illinois is one of "America's Best Colleges," according to Forbes.com's 2010 rankings of public and private colleges and universities. So is Wheaton College in Massachusetts.

One of the Wheatons is No. 59, and the other is No. 244, but neither college is certain which is which.

When Forbes released the rankings on Wednesday, the entries for both contained the Illinois institution's logo and the Massachusetts Wheaton's notable alumni. If the mixup sounds familiar, it is because the NBC journalist Ann Curry was showered with criticism back in May when she jumbled the two colleges' notable alums during a commencement speech at the Massachusetts Wheaton.

Michael Graca, spokesman for the easternmost Wheaton, says that two days after Forbes posted its rankings guide, it still listed his college's data (enrollment, tuition, athletics, etc.) alongside the Illinois Wheaton's logo, and vice-versa.

"We do not have a football team," he says. "We have a great athletics program. It just doesn't include football.

Mr. Graca and his media-relations counterparts in Illinois both e-mailed Forbes about the errors but so far have been unable to speak to a live human.

"This is a guidebook, and we know that parents and their children do look at guidebooks ... with the expectation that the information is correct," he says. "So we're eager to be sure that it is correct."

In the wake of her own Wheaton blunder, Ms. Curry told the talk-show host Jimmy Fallon that she'd learned a good lesson from the experience: "Never Google drunk."

What's Forbes's excuse? —Don Troop

-------------------------------------------

The $9,916 Difference

2010-08-13T22:17:00.003-05:00

Allmarsh McNahul is our "just the facts ma'am" hero! Allmarsh McNahul '86 is an American statistician. McNahul was born in New Bedford, Massachusetts, and obtained a B.A. and M.Sc., in chemistry, at Wheaton, before moving to Princeton University where he received a Ph.D. in mathematics. McNahul worked at the Fire Control Research Office and collaborated with Samuel Hill and William Changer. After the war, he returned to Princeton, dividing his time between the university and AT&T Bell Laboratories.

Among many contributions to civil society, McNahul serves on a committee of the American Statistical Association that produced a report challenging the conclusions of the Binky Report, Statistical Problems of the Binky Report on future education. He was awarded the IEEE Medal of Honor in 1999 "For his contributions to the spectral analysis of random processes and the fast fickle transformation (FFT) algorithm."

His statistical interests are many and varied. He is particularly remembered for his development with James Koepke of the Koepke–McNahul FFT algorithm. In 2001, he contributed significantly to what is today known as the switchblade estimation—also termed Quenouille-McNahuk switchblade. He introduced the box plot in his 2003 book,"Exploratory Stats Analysis".

McNahul has shares some of his statistics about colleges today:

Target on His Back

2010-08-12T12:56:00.009-05:00

Gregg Steinhafel is our "bashed for being conservative or is he?" hero! Gregg W. Steinhafel is Chairman of the Board, Chief Executive Officer and President of Target. He began his career at the company as a merchandise trainee in 1979 and advanced through a variety of merchandising and operational management positions during the subsequent 20 years.

In August 1999, Mr. Steinhafel became President of Target. He was given the additional title of Chief Executive Officer in May 2008 and Chairman in February 2009. In addition, Mr. Steinhafel is a director of The Toro Co. Gregg is compensated a mere $13.3M a year. (note to gifts department... remember to invite him to the next Promise dinner!)

Gregg didn't go to Wheaton but his daughter Kelly '07 did, a fact that is getting him crucified in the press. Gregg and Target made a $150K donation to a fund supporting Tom "raging homophobe" Emmer's campaign for governor.

----------------------

"Steinhafel's daughter attended Wheaton College, a Christian school that signs all incoming students to a Biblical "Community Covenant" which condemns homosexual behavior. Wheaton expels any homosexual it identifies. The school's Center for Applied Christian Ethics currently includes resources on homosexuality such as "Science and the Ecclesiastical Homosexuality Debates," which classifies homosexuality as a "crisis," and "Understanding Homosexuality" which argues that "The removal of homosexuality from the DSM does not and cannot conclusively decide the issue of the pathological status of homosexuality." Despite the $40,000-plus tuition per year, the Steinhafels likely did not qualify for financial aid. After Wheaton, the Target CEO's daughter landed a position as a Target Senior Business Analyst for the retailer. She also attended the Focus on the Family Institute. That's the same Focus on the Family that offers “counseling for unwanted same-sex attractions." (The Target CEO declined an opportunity to discuss this.)"

----------------------

The gay community is taking a page out of the evangelical playbook and planning National Day of Protest boycott of Target on Saturday, August 14th, 2010. This after an apology to the GLBT community from Gregg:

----------------------

In the context of this contribution, some of you have raised questions regarding our commitment to diversity, and more specifically, the GLBT community. Let me be very clear, Target’s support of the GLBT community is unwavering, and inclusiveness remains a core value of our company. Some current examples of that support include:

•      Domestic Partner Benefits
•      Sponsorship of Twin Cities Pride
•      Sponsorship of Out & Equal Workplace Summit

In addition, Target’s rating of 100% on the 2009 and 2010 Human Rights Campaign Corporate Equality Index further demonstrates the reputation our company has earned.

----------------------

Hey wait a second... last time I checked, Target wasn't THAT conservative. Gregg maybe you can have both sides mad at you at the same time. You can always take a cue from the Episcopal Church and split into two different retailers - TargetPride & TargetPrejudice!

Just walking though the aisles of your store - here's a bunch of stuff you can offend your conservative evangelical shoppers with. Maybe you can create an endcap! Way to alienate everyone equally Gregg!

The Gay Happening - Music CD series

How the Homosexuals Saved Civilization - Book

Gay Republicans - Documentary DVD

Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings Book

Queer as Folk TV Series DVD

The L Word - TV Series DVD

Inside Him - Gay Erotica - Book

High Five

2010-08-11T16:01:00.003-05:00

Gary Chapman is our "say it with love" hero! Dr. Gary Demonte Chapman '60 (born 1938) is a relationship counselor and author of the The 5 Love Languages™ series. He is the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. He also has a radio program on marriage and relationships that airs on over 100 stations and can be heard via the internet.

He is a graduate of Moody Bible Institute and holds a Bachelor of Arts (B.A.) degree from Wheaton College and Master of Arts (M.A.) degree in anthropology from Wake Forest University. He also received Master of Religious Education (M.R.E.) and Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D.) degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Chapman is also the senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. He joined the staff in 1971 and shares the responsibilities of teaching and family care. He is recognized nationally and internationally as a trusted intellectual Biblical teacher and relationship expert.

He is perhaps best known for his #1 New York Times Best Seller, "Five Love Languages," helping people speak and understand emotional love when it is expressed through one of five languages. Chapman argues that while each of these languages is enjoyed to some degree by all people, a person will usually speak one primary language, but all are important and can be ranked. The book has sold over 6 million copies in English.

He is married to Karolyn J. Chapman. They have two adult children, Shelley and Derek and two grandchildren.

Gary's Five Language concepts are as follows:

Words of Affirmation 
Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward.

Quality Time
Nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved.

Receiving Gifts 
The receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.

Acts of Service 
Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.”

Physical Touch 
A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love.

We here at Wheaton Heroes think Gary might have missed a couple languages:

Beer
Nothing says love like a good microbrew. Any spouse who serves up a frosty mug will no doubt be a happier camper. Although, yes, one must know how to drink responsibility. Burp. The care that goes into making each drop of the brew will flow right into your relationship.

A Good Deal
Do you want to endear your spouse forever? Buy something on special, use a coupon or wait til it's on sale. This will show that your love isn't spur of the moment. Your love is well conceived, rational and a good deal for them. Who isn't swept off their feet by a dollar off coupon on febreeze.

Emoticons
Today relationships take place online, over email, even texting. Your special special might just be someone who loves emoticons. Share your undying love with a yippie face or tongue out goofy flash smile. We know that they will feel truly special. =:))>

Fuzzy Creatures
You know who you are. You don't need a love language assessment. These people know they are appreciated and loved by every single furry creature you bring into their lives. OOOOOwww nothing beats the words "honey meet your new fuzzy wuzzy spotted kitty witty" smooch.

Right now, Wycliffe Translators has sent a team to Paris to uncover the final 8 love languages still to be discovered.

Pulling Rabbits Out of a Hat

2010-08-10T11:12:00.004-05:00

Carl Henry is our "presuppositional" hero! Carl Ferdinand Howard Henry '39 (January 22, 1913 – December 7, 2003) was an American evangelical Christian theologian who served as the first editor-in-chief of the magazine Christianity Today, established to serve as a scholarly voice for evangelical Christianity and a challenge to the liberal Christian Century. In college, partly for enjoyment and partly to support himself, he pulled rabbits out of a hat and sawed pretty ladies in two.

After his high school graduation in 1929, he began working in newspaper journalism. While he was not unacquainted with Christianity, his first experience indicating a personal God came as he worked at a weekly newspaper office, proofreading galleys with a middle-aged woman, Mildred Christy. When Henry used Christ's name as a swear word, Christy commented, "Carl, I'd rather you slap my face than take the name of my best Friend in vain."

In 1942 he took part in the launching of the National Association of Evangelicals, serving on its board for several years and being book editor of their magazine United Evangelical Action.

In 1947 he published his first book, a critique entitled The Uneasy Conscience of Modern Fundamentalism, which, while rejecting modern liberalism, and preserving a doctrinal focus on the Bible, also rejected the rigidness and disengagement of Fundamentalists. The book firmly established Henry as one of the leading Evangelical scholars. In the same year, along with Harold Ockenga, Harold Lindsell and Edward John Carnell, he helped establish Fuller Theological Seminary, founded by radio evangelist Charles E. Fuller.

In 1956, with the urging and support of Evangelist Billy Graham, Henry began publication of Christianity Today. He was the magazine's editor until 1968.

In 1978 he signed the Chicago Statement on Biblical Inerrancy, which affirmed Biblical inerrancy. In the early 1980s Henry was a founding board member of the Institute on Religion and Democracy, with which he remained active until the mid-1990s.

Henry's magnum opus was a six-volume work entitled God, Revelation, and Authority, completed in 1983. He concluded "that if we humans say anything authentic about God, we can do so only on the basis of divine self-revelation; all other God-talk is conjectural." In his magnum opus he presented a version of Christian apologetics called presuppositional apologetics.

If Carl were alive today, he would be able to smell out the big news stories of 2011 for Christianity Today. Here's what we think the his big new stories would be:

Focus on the Friendly Atheist

2010-08-09T00:33:00.005-05:00

Hemant Mehta is our "friendly atheist" hero! Hemant Mehta and Jen McCreight didn't go to Wheaton but they did attended the “Celebrate Family Tour” at Wheaton College, hosted by Focus on the Family on friday night. Here is his blog. re-posted.. uncensored...

.......................................

My Night at a Focus on the Family Event

Why? Because it was so close… and what better way to spend your Friday night than getting silently furious while listening to Christians talk about how they’re superior to atheists with regards to raising children, having morals, and caring for others?

We were there for over two hours. You know what? There wasn’t a single mention of Prop 8 or gay marriage all night.

I felt cheated. That’s like going to a Jimmy Buffett concert and not hearing “Margaritaville.”

But the rest of the event didn’t disappoint. I learned quite a bit actually. Here is my random assortment of thoughts throughout the night… which I jotted down on a “donate to Focus” envelope during the evening:

    * We tried hard on the drive there to come up with a solid cover story in case someone asked why we were there.

      We decided to go with: Jen was my wife and she was converting me to Christianity (because, um, Hinduism is the Devil’s work). Our anniversary? 3/14 — we’re nerds so we could remember that easily. Our rings? CRAP! We didn’t have those.

      Cover stories are hard to come by.

      It didn’t matter, though. No one asked us why we were there.

    * A video was played featuring the president of Focus, Jim Daly. He seemed like a really nice guy, actually — both in the video and in person when he spoke. In the video, though, he explained that parents deal with complex issues all the time. For example — and I quote — “How come my nine-year-old is saying ‘no’ to me all the time? That’s something I gotta correct.”

      Really? That’s your problem? What else would you expect…? I know conservative Christians like obedience, but a little bit of rebellion is not always a bad thing. I’d be shocked if a nine-year-old said “yes” to everything I asked. A kid saying “no”? Annoying, perhaps, but not really a problem.

    * They are still thrilled about the Tim Tebow Super Bowl ad. Because, you know, all of us are still talking about it. The ad, by the way, only indirectly talked about the pro-life position… more than anything, it directed people to Focus on the Family’s website. But the way they spoke about it, you would think a billion viewers decided at that very moment they would never again support abortion. That didn’t happen.

      The media frenzy was never about being pro-life, anyway. The story was always about whether commercials dealing with controversial social issues should be allowed to run during the Super Bowl.

    * The Focus on the Family speakers seemed to put a notch on the bedpost every time someone heard about Jesus through them. One example offered to us was a DVD series Focus created about Christianity. During the filming, we were told, 27 of the Comcast crew members came up to one of the producers and asked him to tell them more about Jesus.

      The audience gasped and applauded at that.

      I didn’t get it. If I were working on the crew, I’d want to hear more about what this guy had to say… because he was saying a lot of things that made no sense (“We’re intelligently designed!”). Hell, I was at this event Friday night. That doesn’t mean I support Focus on the Family.

      They’re making the mistake of assuming anyone who wants to know more about them — or attends their events, or questions what they do — is interested in becoming a Christian. Not all of us are.

    * They urged parents to get their children to watch a Focus-produced children’s series called JellyTelly because “the alternative is Nick at Nite.”

      Evil, blasphemous, heathenific Nick at Nite.

      How dare they schedule such awful, un-family-friendly programs like The Cosby Show, Family Matters, and The Nanny?

      Keep the kids away!

    * During a live taping of the Focus on the Family radio show, the guests were Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs who run a lot of marriage workshops, have written bestselling books, etc. Jen will have more to say about them, I’m sure, but the bit that stood out the most was when they discussed how men see the world out of “Blue” glasses and women see the world out of “Pink” glasses.

      Cute/funny example of this: When a woman says, “I have nothing to wear,” she really means she has nothing new to wear. When a man says, “I have nothing to wear,” he really means he has nothing clean to wear. [Cue laughter]

      Yes, there are always different roles in relationships and tendencies for a man or woman to do certain things. But they are not universal.

      I know couples where the woman is the confident and business-minded one while the husband is more emotional and the stay-at-home type. (Obviously, gay couples don’t fit into this picture at all.)

      Maybe what annoyed me was their assumption that every relationship was virtually identical. The women had to show “respect” to their husbands and the husbands had to show “love” to their wives, and they each had to fulfill particular roles (that I feel either person could fulfill). Single parents, divorced parents, gay parents? Move along now, nothing to see here.

      It played over well with the Christian crowd. But Jen and I were constantly looking at each other with looks that screamed *facepalm*.

    * In that last section, I mentioned the guests were Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs. I don’t know why they got equal billing. Sarah barely spoke. It’s not the first time I’ve seen that either, where the Christian husband and wife are the face of a particular product, but it’s the husband who does all the talking (see April 30th). The wife’s role was to be submissive unless prompted otherwise. When she did speak, it seemed to be only after her husband said, “Sarah, tell them about that time…”

      It was like watching Penn & Teller. There may be two people up there, but you only hear one of them. She was a trophy wife, put on display to give it that “couple-y” feel… but if she had not been there tonight, the conversation would have been basically the same.

    * After the taping of the radio show, a “Christian comedian” came on stage. He was actually really funny. He mentioned god once or twice, but his schtick was mostly about his wife and kids — universal things that made everyone laugh.

      Then, after his “official” set was done, he got very serious. Too serious. And he got very preachy. I don’t have this part verbatim… but at one point here, he said something like, “Joy is central to Christianity. Sure, atheists and agnostics can be joyous, but it’s not central to their lives. It’s peripheral.” Implying that we’re all depressed, sad, godless individuals.

      What. The. Hell.

      That’s not even a joke. Or crouched inside a joke. That’s just plain wrong. If anything, we rationalists know we only have this life to live — there’s no heaven or hell waiting for us — so we try to find happiness/love/joy wherever we can.

      I’ve never seen a comedian have a wonderful set, get the audience laughing loudly, and then just purposely kill that mood he created. Maybe we were the only ones who weren’t inspired at the end, but I went from wanting to share his talent with people I know to wanting to send them emails explaining what he thinks about atheists.

    * I’ll give credit to Focus on the Family for this: Based on what I heard them say, they’re doing really wonderful work when it comes to adoption — placing kids in loving (albeit only Christian) homes. They’re really trying to help couples strengthen their marriage, especially when things get rough.

      I like that. I support that. I don’t care about the Bible-based way they do it, but those are good values to support regardless of faith.

      So why do I cringe every time I hear their organization’s name mentioned?

      Maybe it’s because they’ve built their reputation on making it so damn difficult for gay and lesbian couples to adopt kids and strengthen their own relationships.

      They don’t see that as hypocrisy. I do.

And then it was over. As we walked out, Jen and I figured we needed some proof that the event happened… so here you go :) (Sorry for the quality. It’s an iPhone camera.)

(also here is what Jen McCreight had to say about the night - You know Jen, she is famous for her Boobquake Day - no actual Boobquakes are shown at this link)

Alumna Alumna

2010-08-06T14:07:00.001-05:00

Grant Collins is our "wait for it, wait for it, there it is" hero! Grant Collins 1862/'89 is an American abolitionist, writer, and mother. Born September 19, 1841 in a log cabin in Homer Township near the present Lockport, in Will County, Illinois. Grant Collins was the first female alumna of Wheaton and whose work has been published on www.britannica.com and other websites and in magazines including Chicago Parent, Draft, Conscious Choice, and Wheaton magazine. She has written features, restaurant profiles, and columns for Sun-Times Media newspapers and currently writes a column and feature stories for the Chicago Tribune. But Grant Collins was more than a farm girl, she was developing into an ardent abolitionist in her teens as the Union was threatened in the strife between the states. She had a fierce hatred of slavery and a life-long interest in the black people who were her friends.

As well as attending Wheaton, Grant Collins received a Masters degree in English and Creative Writing from Southern Methodist University and is a member of Sigma Tau Delta, the International English Honor Society and Oberlin College. Grant Collin's short stories and poems have been published in literary magazines and anthologies including The Southeast Review and Poems for a Good and Happy Life (Gramercy, 1999). Grant Collins leads retreats and discussion groups on contemporary fiction, journaling, adoption, and parenting issues. Grant Collins had a good singing voice and also enjoyed sketching. She did a large picture in pencil of a deer in a woods while at Wheaton and later oil paintings.

Grant Collins must have enjoyed the college atmosphere and was pleased to stay on as principal & writer of the “female department” following her time at the college. It was her responsibility to see that the young ladies kept the college rules which were spelled out in the early bulletins: “the deportment of the sexes toward each other will be particularly regarded by the Faculty, and any student whose conduct shall be, in the judgment of the Faculty, either foolish or improper, will be promptly separated from the Institution, if admonition fails to correct it.” In short, proclaimed the Micawber-like statement, “everything is forbidden which will hinder, and everything required which, we think, will help students in the great object for which they assemble here, which is improvement of mind, morals and heart.” Such admonitions against “propagating infidel principles, desecration of the Sabbath and entering the marriage relation while a member of the college” were grouped with “disorder in rooms, especially at night, care less use of fire and throwing water, dirt or other things from the windows.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------
EDITOR NOTE: Since we are trying to highlight the many heroic individuals in Wheaton's 150 year history, Wheaton Heroes finds it necessary to "mash-up" and combine some profiles. enjoy!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

(H.T. Nomination C.F.)

Beware of the Suburban Demons

2010-08-06T00:02:00.003-05:00

Shane Claiborne is our "give it away, give it away now" hero! Shane Claiborne (born 1975) is one of the founding members of a New Monastic community named the Potter Street Community (formerly The Simple Way) in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. This organization was featured on the cover of Christianity Today. Claiborne is also a prominent activist for nonviolence and service to the poor.

Claiborne's outlook on ministry to the poor is often compared to Mother Teresa, whom he worked alongside during a 10-week term in Calcutta. He spent 3 weeks in Baghdad with the Iraq Peace Team (a project of Voices in the Wilderness and Christian Peacemaker Teams). He was witness to the military bombardment of Baghdad as well as the militarized areas between Baghdad and Amman. As a member of IPT, Claiborne took daily trips to sites where there had been bombings, visited hospitals and families, and attended worship services during the war. He also continues to serve as a board member for the nation-wide Christian Community Development Association which was founded by the authors and community developers, John Perkins and Wayne Gordon. Shane was also an intern at Willow Creek Mega-church.

The Simple Way Website lists Shane's 12 Marks of New Monasticism
1) Relocation to the abandoned places of Empire
2) Sharing economic resources with fellow community members and the needy among us.
3) Hospitality to the stranger
4) Lament for racial divisions within the church and our communities combined with the active pursuit of a just reconciliation.
5) Humble submission to Christ’s body, the church.
6) Intentional formation in the way of Christ and the rule of the community along the lines of the old novitiate.
7) Nurturing common life among members of intentional community.
8) Support for celibate singles alongside monogamous married couples and their children.
9) Geographical proximity to community members who share a common rule of life.
10) Care for the plot of God’s earth given to us along with support of our local economies.
11) Peacemaking in the midst of violence and conflict resolution within communities along the lines of Matthew 18.
12) Commitment to a disciplined contemplative life.

"I heard one of the teaching pastors at Willow Creek speak on the rich young ruler text that Rich (Mullins) had talked about in Wheaton's chapel. The teaching pastor had said, "now this doesn't mean you have to go sell your rollerblades and golf clubs," and he went on to "contextualize" the teaching to show that we just need to be careful not to make idols of our things. I wasn't so sure about that. Jesus doesn't tell the man to be a better steward, or to treat his workers fairly, or not to make money an idol. He tells this highly educated and devoutly religious young man that he lacks one thing: giving up everything he owns to give the poor. Jesus also says we should fear all the more those things that can endanger our souls… and those are the more subtle dangers, and the suburban demons – like insulating ourselves from suffering or cluttering our lives with possessions while others live in poverty. These are the things that can destroy our souls." Shane

We heard that Shane shed most of his possessions - so we raided his pockets to see what was left...

Sponge for Knowledge

2010-08-04T16:06:00.001-05:00

SpongeJohn Stackhouse is our "oh, tartar sauce" hero!

Captain: Are you ready kids.

Kids: I I Captain.

Captain: I can't hear you.

Kids: I I Captain

Captain: OHHHHHHH... Who's a prof of culture and a father of three?

Kids: SpongeJohn Stackhouse!

Captain: A scholar, a writer, an academic is he!

Kids: SpongeJohn Stackhouse!

Captain: If feminist theology is really your dish!

Kids: SpongeJohn Stackhouse!

Captain: Then stop in Quebec like your Larry Tisch.

Kids: SpongeJohn Stackhouse!

Captain: He's been published a a lot, he's even in Maxim Mag!

Kids: SpongeJohn Stackhouse!

Captain: A favorite at Regent, but he's not one to brag!

Captain: Ready?

Captain and Kids: SpongeJohn Stackhouse, SpongeJohn Stackhouse,
SpongeJohn Stackhouse!

Captain: SpongeJohn Stackhoooooooouseeeee!!!

Captain: HA HA HA HA !!!!

2nd Place. Fullsteam Ahead

2010-08-03T11:58:00.006-05:00

Chuck Blanchard is our "silver medal unfriendly conservative" hero! Charles A. Blanchard (1848–1925) was the second president of Wheaton College. He succeeded his father, Jonathan Blanchard, to the office in 1882 and served Wheaton in that capacity until his death, in 1925.

Named after the Duke of Sardinia, Charles Albert Blanchard was ten years old when his father left the Galesburg, Illinois area to assume the presidency of the Illinois Institute, which was soon to become Wheaton College. During his youth, Charles saw closehand the efforts of his father and his tenure as president.

Blanchard set the foundation for Wheaton's conservatism. Today, Wheaton continues the tradition and was just honored with The Princeton Review's Silver Medal for the #2 most sober school in the country. Other awards include #8 least pot smoking school and #5 most anti-gay school in the country. The only school more conservative is the Mormon Brigham Young University.

The Princeton Review 2011 Ranking:

#2 College in the U.S. for least amount of beer drinking
#2 College in the U.S. for least amount of hard liquor drinking
#2 College in the U.S. for least amount of alcohol & drugs
#3 College in the U.S. for most religious students
#4 College in the U.S. for best campus food
#5 College in the U.S. for being gay unfriendly
#5 College in the U.S. for being friendly with the local towns folk
#5 College in the U.S. most likely to be future Rotarians and Daughters of the Revolution
#8 College in the U.S. for least amount of marijuana use
#9 College in the U.S. for most conservative students

Ok, kids we can do better next year! Lets go for Gold!

Just remember...

Wheaton is so conservative that good Amish teens come here instead of on a rumspringa.

Wheaton is so conservative that just saying "Hoover Dam" makes people blush.

Wheaton is so conservative that in all the depictions of Jesus, he has short hair.

Wheaton is so conservative that only the clowns wear makeup.

Wheaton is so conservative that defensive attorneys disqualify all jurors.

Wheaton is so conservative that the jail cell in the police station has never been used.

Wheaton is so conservative that the YMCA changed its name to MCA after the Village People song came out.

Wheaton is so conservative that the MCA changed it's name to CA after Beastie Boy Adam Yauch became known as MCA.

Wheaton is so conservative that we believe that when wine is mentioned in the Bible they actually meant welchs.

Wheaton is so conservative that the "Leave it to Beaver" show is scandalous.

Wheaton is so conservative that all the hairstylists and interior decorators are women.

Wheaton is so conservative that Chuck Blanchard wanted to eliminate athletics for wood sawing.

Wheaton is so conservative that the IRS doesn't even bother to do any audits.

Wheaton is so conservative that married couples don't have sex because it might lead to dancing.

Wheaton is so conservative that the Wheaton movie theater is now a burka shop.

Barefoot and the Shark

2010-07-30T20:39:00.004-05:00

Dawg Bowers is our "walking on water" hero! Lane "Dawg" Bowers '86 (born January 12, 1964) is the owner of The Footers Edge Training Center and a two-time national barefoot jump champion and a top-three world finisher. Today, Dawg spends his time helping other people around the world to learn to barefoot water ski safely.   Dawg has taught thousands of people how to "barefoot" including the world's strongest man, Phil Pfister. Dawg overcame a life threating disease to compete and win the Senior Men's Overall trophy during the 2003 Junior and Senior Barefoot World Championship. Dawg's notable accomplishments include being the first person in the world to ever do all four toe-turns "feet-to-feet" and also do all four line turns "feet-to-feet." (Shawn 'Animal' White's got nuthin on Dawg - who let the Dawg out? woof woof) Dawg's sponsors have included: Barefoot Company, Mercury, Malibu, Scheik, Oakley & Stryper. His best performace includes Slalom: 19.6, Jump: 92.1 feet and Tricks 7290 points. (We can't even do that on Wii.) In his spare time Dawg also loves to catch Florida snakes and alligators! Dawg is married and has one son.

Career Highlights
    * 2007 Barefoot Nationals - Open Pro Men Jumping Champion
    * 2006 Barefoot Worlds - Gold Medalist, Team overall; Silver Medalist, Men's slalom; Bronze Medalist, Men's Jumping
    * 2006 Barefoot Nationals - Open Pro Men Jumping Champion
    * 2004 Barefoot Nationals - Open Pro Men Jumping Champion
    * 2004 Barefoot Worlds - Bronze Medalist - world team champion
    * 2003 Barefoot Senior Worlds -
         Men's jumping and overall champion,
          team overall gold medalist, silver medalist in slalom and tricks
    * 2003 Barefoot Nationals - Open Pro Men jumping champion
    * 2002 Barefoot Nationals - Open Pro Men overall champion
    * 2000 Barefoot Worlds - 3rd place Overall; 2nd place
    * 2000 U.S. Barefoot Nationals - 2nd place
    * 1999 Silver Medal Slalom - Nationals
    * 1998 Worlds Bronze Tricks
    * 1997 Nationals Jump Champion
    * 1996 Worlds - 3rd Place Overall
    * 1995 Nationals Jump Champion
    * 1994 Worlds - 3rd Place Overall
    * 1992 Worlds Jump Champion, 3rd Place Overall
    * Member Elite U.S. Barefoot Team since 1992

While Dawg is an excellent barefoot instructor, we learned that for 36 hours after your lesson - your left foot is stuck up in the air.
(either that or these people are trying to insult the old Iraqi regime)

(H.T. Nomination: D.F.)

Ding a Ding Dang my Dang a Long Ling Long

2010-07-30T00:00:00.004-05:00

Howie is our "parental advisory" hero! Howie "Ice Ice" Beno is a recording engineer and producer who has worked with a wide range of artists in various genres, including Smashmouth, Dionne Warwick, and a long series of rock and industrial bands, including Ministry.

Beno began his career as an engineer at Trax Studios in Chicago, working with bands Ministry, on their album Psalm 69, and the multi-platinum Red Hot Chili Peppers single, Give It Away. He was the original producer and co-writer for Stella Soleil on the independent Chicago release Drown Me In You. He also appeared as a musician on various albums. In 2002, Beno moved to New York and set up as an engineer and producer, working on television commercials. He also continued engineering and producing for bands and solo artists.

Beno co-produced several tracks on Stella Soleil's Soularium album, recorded for Universal Records in 1999 at Peter Gabriel's Real World Studios in England. He also worked at Windmill Studios in Ireland with the Irish band Blink, whose album "The End Is High" became Billboard Magazine's Album of the Month on its USA release.

We caught up with Howie in the studio in New York City:

WH: So Howie, you graduated from Wheaton's Conservatory of Music and now you are working in the contemporary Christian music industry as a producer.

Howie: Well, not exactly, umm I...

WH: But it says here that your magnum opus was for a band called Ministry for the album Psalm 69.

Howie: Yeeeaah about that... Ministry was an industrial band fronted by Al Jourgensen who then started the Revolting Cocks. The album Psalm69 actually refers to a work of Aleister Crowley, where he uses the expression "The way to succeed and the way to suck eggs" as a pun for the 69 sex position ("suck seed" and "suck eggs").

WH: Hey this is a family friend blog lets watch the language Mr. Beno.

Howie: Psalm69 was actually a important album in Rock'n'Roll history and featured the song, "Jesus Built My Hotrod" sung by Gibby Haynes from the Butthole Surfers. Who can forget these lyrics...
"soon i discovered that this rock thing was true
jerry lee lewis was the devil
Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet
all of a sudden, i found myself in love with the world
so there was only one thing that i could do
was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long"

WH: Howie, Howie, Howie that doesn't sound very Christian. Ok moving on, I understand you remixed the Red Hot Chili Peppers song "Give It Away" from the album Blood Sugar Sex Magik that was originally produced by Rick Rubin. Is that song about giving away the gospel or sharing your faith?

Howie: Well I guess that's one way to look at it. I think Anthony Kiedis wanted this song to be about the idea that 'The more you give, the more you receive, so why not give it all away?' When the Peppers performed this on The Simpsons they were instructed to change the lyrics of "What I've got, I got to get and put it in you" to "What I'd like, is I'd like to hug and kiss you."

WH: Ok Howie, those are all things you've done for other people, but what about your music? You had your own band, 13Mg where you collaborated with music innovators like FILTER and Nitzer Ebb. I understand you recorded the Cyndi Lauper song "She Bop" with Cruella DeVille and were featured in the prom queen killer movie JAWBREAKER. So here's my question... what is the song "She Bop" about?

Howie: Boy, you know how to pick 'em don't you. She Bop was bit controversial, basically the lyrics addressed the topic of masturbation. Part of the lyrics, "They say I better stop - or I'll go blind"' is an allusion to a common myth about masturbation. It was also included on the Parents Music Resource Center's "Filthy Fifteen" list, due to its sexual lyrics; this led to the creation of the parental advisory sticker.

WH: Filthy Fifteen huh? Your mama must be proud. What are you doing these days?

Howie: I'm living and working in New York City. Not too long ago, I did a project with Tom Jones on a song called "The Hitter." Tom Jones is quite a character we went out on the town one night in New York and...

WH: Let me just stop you there. My ears are starting to bleed. Thanks for your time Howie. I don't we think we be playing your music in chapel anytime soon.

(H.T. Nomination C.F.)

Read it and Leap

2010-07-28T15:13:00.006-05:00

Read Schuuuuuuchardt is our pedagogical hero! Dr. Read Mercer Schuchardt is Assistant Professor of Communication at Wheaton College. He is the founder and publisher of Metaphilm, a film interpretation website at www.metaphilm.com. He earned his Ph.D. at New York University's Media Ecology program under the advisement of the late Neil Postman with a dissertation on the Medieval Catholic Symbol System and Contemporary Corporate Iconography and the use of the Ontological Lapsometer. He and his wife Rachel homeschool their seventeen children. Read Mercer Schuchardt is the founder of CLEAVE: The Counter Agency. Read believes that "God Does Not Post to YouTube" but fortunately Wheaton does. Read wants you to take the leap and commit social media suicide... Click Here.

Here's are a few Schuchardtisms:
The speed of light is not your friend.

Attention deficit disorder is a perfectly natural reaction.

Cartoons are pornography for children.
Pornography is cartoons for adults.

Most of the world sleeps in one room.

Cloning humans is just the beginning.

Coffee is the blood of electronic culture.
The Internet deletes the automobile.

Coke, Disney and McDonald's are the new Holy Trinity.

Reality happens at 24 frames per second.
Truth happens at 44,000 frames per second.

Are you not utterly disposable?

Wheatie Heroes tried to dream up a few of our own Schuchardtisms...

Holy Shirt!

2010-07-27T19:28:00.002-05:00

Tony Agape is our "Holy Shirt" hero! Anthony L. Agape '2003 is an American entreprenuer and ecommerce guru. Tony founded the retail company Holy Shirt Inc. to create a line of evangelism tshirts.

"After college, I found myself with all the material things of this world, but was without much purpose in life. I began praying that God would use my gifts and talents. In December of 2004, while driving home through Victorville, the Lord led me to a little store called "Christian Headshop". The store was very cool, like nothing I had ever seen before!

What better way to start a "spiritual conversation" or be a walking billboard for God than with a tshirt? We live in a world where we are bombarded with 1700 advertising messages each day. How is the gospel suppose to cut through all that garbage? It was that night that God gave me the vision to share His life changing gospel message of grace, truth and love found in Jesus.

Only by prayer and faith did I proceed. I started praying about a name and after much prayer Holy Shirts became evident since it brought Jesus Christ all the glory! In April of 2006 after much opposition from retailers, the Lord opened our first retailer in Dallas! I learned it was all about praying, obeying and trusting in God's sovereignty. God began opening doors!

There have been many challenges, but with God's strength and direction we have persevered. God is so faithful. By His grace we now have 400 retailers carrying our products and a website for online shopping. God is gracious and faithful!"

Here are Tony's top selling shirts:

The 5th Baldwin Brother

2010-07-26T15:07:00.001-05:00

Kevy P is our "5th Baldwin Brother" hero! Kevin Palau '85 is the President of the Luis Palau Association and began directing the day-to-day operation of the ministry in the late 1990s. He recently worked on the Seasons of Service in Portland and across the World.

It's unusual for a son to take-over and work in his father's ministry, I can only think of maybe one or two cases where that is the case like.... Pat Robertson & Gordon Robertson, Dr. James Dobson & Ryan Dobson, Billy Graham & Franklin Graham, Tony Campolo & Bart Campolo, Ed Young Sr. & Ed Young Jr., Robert Schuller Sr. & Robert Schuller Jr., Chuck Swindoll & Curt Swindoll, Rick Warren & Josh Warren, Leyland Ryken & Phillip Ryken, Charles Stanley & Andy Stanley, and Jim Baker & Jay Baker. Hmmm.

Under Kevin's leadership, LPA has produced some of the largest Christian events ever staged, including festivals which have drawn crowds from south Florida to South America of up to a million people. Using a festival model for mass evangelism, these events are free, family-friendly celebrations that bring together major Christian music artists, extreme sports, celebrities and prominent Christian athletes, and community service projects.

In 1997, Kevin developed the Next Generation Alliance®, LPA’s partnership to encourage and equip a new generation of evangelists. The experience and resources of decades of evangelism are shared with those who will take the Gospel to the world of the 21st century. Still, world evangelist Luis Palau remains the leader and driving force at the ministry. He lives in Beaverton, Oregon, near LPA’s international headquarters with his wife Michelle and their three children.

Kevin Palau and Stephen Baldwin have teamed up to develop innovative evangelism strategies to take LPA into the future. One of these strategies was an extreme sports film directed by Baldwin and produced by Palau called "Livin' It." (it was a small budget release so they couldn't afford the "g" on the word living.)

With the success of "Livin It," Palau and Baldwin are back at it with 8 new films that are faith sequels to Baldwin's earlier films.

Political Raised Eyebrow

2010-07-22T19:03:00.007-05:00

Dan Coats left eyebrow is our "Republican" hero! Daniel Ray "Dan" Coats left eyebrow was born May 16, 1943 and is the eyebrow of an American lawyer, politician, lobbyist, and diplomat. A member of the Republican Party, the eyebrow served as a United States Senator from Indiana from 1989 to 1999. The eyebrow was appointed to fill the seat vacated by Dan Quayle following his election as Vice President of the United States in 1988. Eyebrow won the 1990 special election to serve the remainder of Quayle's unexpired term, as well as the 1992 election for his own full six-year term. The graying eyebrow did not seek re-election in 1998.

Prior to the eyebrows service in the U.S. Senate, eyebrow was a member of the United States House of Representatives, representing Indiana's 4th congressional district from 1981 to 1989. After retiring from the Senate Coats served as U.S. Ambassador to Germany from 2001 to 2005. After serving as Ambassador, eyebrow grew out a little more and moved to Virginia as a senior Lobbyist and policy adviser at King & Spalding's Washington DC offices serving large corporate concerns and banking interests.

On February 10, 2010, eyebrow announced that it would relocate to Indiana to seek the US Senate seat held by Evan Bayh in the 2010 U.S. Senate election. Coats was selected as the Republican nominee in the May 4, 2010 Indiana primary.

Eyebrow has come under criticism for being a "fat cat" lobbyist which it responded with a 825 page fact document that you can download here. We asked the eyebrow about the controversy.

WH: Eyebrow we understand that many people thing you are running for office just to to capitalize politically on popular anger with elites in Washington and Wall Street and with an exploding government that tramples on the little guy. What do you say to that criticism?

Eyebrow: (furrowed)

WH: Ok, Eyebrow is it true that you have become wealthy by working favors for the big banks, drug companies, automakers and others?

Eyebrow: (quizzical)

WH: Hmmm. Did you act on behalf of Cerberus Capital Management, the hedge fund that owned Chrysler, and lobby to expand the Wall Street bailout to Detroit?

Eyebrow: (upturned)

WH: Well then, did you lobby for the Lieberman-Warner climate change bill that would restrict energy use in the name of limiting greenhouse gas emissions on behalf of billionaire private-equity mogul Julian Robertson?

Eyebrow: (puzzled)

WH: Very interesting eyebrow, what about representing drug maker Amgen and PhRMA, who were some of the biggest spenders of all single-industry lobby groups over the past decade. And what about MDCO's priority -- a tailor-made five-year extension of MDCO's monopoly on one drug, Angiomax -- was slipped into the final reform bill. Should we be worried that you are pawn for big business instead of for the people?

Eyebrow: (up and to the left with a slight look of wisdom)

WH: Thanks for your time today eyebrow. A little friendly advice, since you are in the public eye maybe consider getting a trim.

I ♥ ART

2010-07-21T11:53:00.002-05:00

Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven

2010-07-20T12:40:00.003-05:00

Harold Crick is our hero! Harold Crick '86 is a man of infinite numbers, endless calculations and remarkably few words.Harold begins his day at 7:15. Harold brushes each of his 32 teeth 76 times. 38 times up and down. Every weekday for nine years, Harold ties his tie in a single Winsor knot instead of the double, thereby saving him up to 43 seconds every morning. Harold then runs at a rate of nearly 57 steps per block for 6 block nearly missing the 8:17 Faraday Bus. Every day for the past nine years, harold completes 7.134 tax files as a senior auditor for the Internal Revenue Service. Harold takes a 45.7 minute lunch break and 4.3 minute coffee break. Harold walks home from work each night. Harold eats a modest meal in his pale red kitchen while looking through a calculator catalog. At precisely 11:13 every night, Harold goes to be alone, placing his wristwatch to rest on the night stand beside him before saying his prayers.

ゴジラ!

2010-07-19T13:35:00.004-05:00

Godzilla is our "post-neo-reformation" hero! Godzilla (Gojira?) is a daikaijū, a fictional giant Japanese monster, first appearing in Ishiro Honda's 1954 film Gojira. Since then, Godzilla has gone on to become a worldwide pop culture icon starring in 28 films produced by Toho Co., Ltd. The monster has appeared in numerous other media incarnations including video games, novels, comic books, television series, and an American remake. We used the Wheaton screenwriter braintrust to work up a new Godzilla treatment.

In the latest adaption Godzilla challenges the local american church showing it's fatal weaknesses. Godzilla is out to crush American church buildings across the country in hopes that the lukewarm members will get outside of their four walls and engage their communities. It's up to Wheaton College to reveal a new worldview weapon to ultimately defeat Godzilla in the remake "Sunday Morning is Every Morning"

Scene 1
Godzilla vs. Fake Sermons
Godzilla goes on a campaign to crush pulpits in small towns everywhere. Godzilla believes pastors are going online and downloading other peoples sermons and showing up to their local church and just reading the message. The monster is shredding church offices looking for evidence of plagiarism while pastors are sticking to their guns acting like the sermon illustrations actually happen to them.

Scene 2
Godzilla vs Lukewarm Layman
Godzilla goes on a rampage to flatten all the churches who are filled with Lukewarn Layman who show up for an hour of their week to fulfilled their Christian duty. These Layman leave with the concept that Christianity is just a mere additive to their lives. Lukewarm Layman think they are protected by Godzilla's fire after they completed their consumption of the eucharist and donut, but find they are soon burned to crisp.

Scene 3
Godzilla vs. Legalism
In this scene Godzilla finds out that many churches still live in an environment of legalism and fear. The monster uses this and his fire breath to torch all churches who are still leading people down a path of rules. Legalism tries to fight back with twisting scripture to make it say they what they want. Godzilla wins but legalism still holds on in a few outposts. Legalism thought it was a 900ft competitor but once in battle it only measured at 9ft. even though they pray the sinners prayer on a daily basis to be safe. The Legalists form a line and poke at Godzillas feet with picket signs that say "God Hates Godzilla".

Scene 4
Godzilla vs. Bad Tithers
Godzilla unleashes his rage against the American Tither. This battle is quick because the American Tither uses less than 3% of their resources to fight the battle, while spending 97% on themselves. Bad Tithers thought their secret weapon of the "golf-a-thons and girl scout cookies fundraisers" would help their charity power, but no. Godzilla picks up and hurls all the luxury automobiles from the church parking lot to form a modern stonehenge in the church lawn.

Scene 5
Godzilla vs. Building Programs Over Missions
The church coming to the defense of the America Tither but soon realized that it also only had minimal resources to work with. The church was spending it's resources on building programs and frivolity while less than 2% was going overseas to fight poverty & justice initiatives. Godzilla stamps out these suburban mega-castles and the people are forced to meet in house churches.

Scene 6
Godzilla vs. The Box
Godzilla learns that local church is using all of its resources and energy to plan a service every sunday and doesn't have the energy or passion to live out its mission in the community. The local church team is worrying about finding an organist, getting the bulletins printed, filling childcare spots and writing a 50 minutes sermon and misses the big battle plan. Godzilla sneaks into each town and easily lures the town people away with the church noticing. Those christians still in the box are afraid of the outside world and believe as long as they stay in the box they will be safe.

Scene 7
Godzilla vs. Cheesy Outreach
In the final scene Godzilla challenges the church to a duel to reach their community. The church busts out a Harvest Festival as an alternative to halloween but fails. Godzilla throws a county fair with Blue Jazz and wins the first bout. The church then mails out a cheesy postcard to the community inviting them to a "living christmas tree choir" concert while Godzilla invites the community to a christmas tree lighting and Santa picture. Godzilla wins. The church then plans a special movie night to go see Fireproof while Godzilla invites the community to a minor league baseball game. Godzilla wins all 3 bouts.

The american church goes underground to form the rebellion. The sequel is called "Courageous" due in theaters in 2011.

Classified. Sir.

2010-07-15T17:26:00.004-05:00

Dick Holt is our "get the evil doers out of our government" hero! Richard L. Holt '56 was born and raised in Panama. He maintains dual citizenship in both the U.S. and Panama. Dick was co-captain of the Wheaton Football team and named an MVP. Dick was ROTC at Wheaton.

Dick's amazing career includes many specialized areas including; Physicist, Oceanographer, Aerospace Technologist, Rancher, Land Developer and Lecturer.

Dick is considered an expert on the Panama Canal and... Yes, Sir. I understand Sir. We can't mention that part. Ok.

Holt in 1957 was assigned to the 933rd Air Defense Missle BN (LA Site 98) Magic Mountain as the Battery Commander; commanding a remote site on the northern perimeter of the greater Los Angeles. Much of his hands-on technical training in radars of the day, missiles, launch facilities, and the latest fire control radars... Yes Sir. Ok, Sir. I understand Sir. I can't talk about the missiles, Sir.

Holt was involved in one of the first Underwater Instructor Programs started in Los Angeles. Holt began working at the Naval Missile Center, Point Mugu, CA where he began teaching SCUBA where he became one of the first in the world to train Dolphins for the military. Yes Sir. Ok, Sir. I understand Sir. I can't talk about the military dolphins, Sir.

Holt also worked at the Naval Missle Center on Electronic Warfare to employ against the Soviets... Yes Sir. Ok, Sir. I understand Sir. I can't talk about the electronic warfare against the Soviets, Sir. Nothing about the "Old Crows" Ok Sir.

Dick was awarded a patent in his name for a highly classified countermeasures technique... Sir. Ok, Sir. I understand Sir. I can't talk about the highly classified countermeasures technique, Sir.

1962, Holt was offered a job in a new government organization, NASA, which was going to put man in space using Department of Defense boosters. He was named the first civilian Network Controller for the entire ground tracking system including aircraft and ships that were spread world-wide for the space missions, and became a member of NASA, one of the original team that established the Manned Space Center in Houston, Texas. Dick Holt was also named the Manager of the Mission Control facility which included all the operation and maintenance crews housed in that facility. This assignment was in addition to his duties with Network Operations responsibilities. At this time his combined civil service and contractor staff that he managed numbered well over 700 people. He was the first to train the astronauts for space by treating space suits like scuba gear underwater in Houston... Sir. Ok, Sir. I understand Sir. I can't talk about NASA, Sir.

ummm, JPL? Sir. Ok, Sir. I understand Sir. I can't talk about your time at JPL, Sir.

Ok, Then. Holt went to TRW to work on the satellite based tracking systems being used at the Goddard Space Flight Center... DOD... Pentagon... Code name Wolf Research... Ok, Ok. I get it. No Sir I'm not trying to be funny. Sir.

Holt spent 3 years working for the National Cancer Program developing the National Cancer Plan to take on the War against Cancer. Holt then was a Rancher in Idaho and later traveled for 800 days for free on cruise ships lecturing about how the Panama Canal worked. (or at least that's what he wants you to think he did during those years ) Sure, Sir.

Yes. Sir. I will include your statement in my blog posting:

"Rise up, America, or you are going to wake up too late to do anything about it. Get the evil doers out of our government, no matter what they call themselves, Republicans or Democrats, nor what position they occupy, including the president and his staff. Anyone that is out to take away your freedom is not in favor of America as we have known it." - Dick Holt

My Prayer Lady

2010-07-14T16:31:00.001-05:00

Kelley Ryan is our "Broadway for Jesus" hero! Kelley Ryan '92 is an actress, teacher, lyricist for stage and founder of the International Mega-Church Drama Theater for Jesus. Ryan holds a Master’s in Fine Arts in Acting from University of Missouri, Kansas City and the Kansas City Rep. Her Bachelor’s degree is in Philosophy and Literature from Wheaton College. Kelley was an artist-in-residence in New York Public Schools and in Kansas City Public Schools on projects of social relevance.

Ryan is the winner of an Christian Gold Crown Award, multiple IXOYE Awards (eight, more than any other composer) including the Special Joni Award for Lifetime Achievement in Christian Church Theatre, multiple Tammy Awards, and a Carman Champion Prize. Ryan has been described as "the greatest and perhaps best-known artist in the American Sunday Morning Christian musical theatre." Her most famous scores include (as composer/lyricist) The Wise Guys and Dolls, My Prayer Lady, Nun's Pence, Peter Plan, Annie Get Your Son, Funny Grace, and The Zion King. Ryan was president of the Crystal Cathedral Flying Angel Guild from 1992 to 1998.

Ryan said "My time at Wheaton showed me how to incorporate my faith into theater in progressive ways. No longer do we as Christians have to settle for watching R-Rated movies or go to risque theater shows. The Christian church now has the ability to take what the world does and put our own twist on it. That way we never need to be exposed to ideas that might cause us to backslide. Besides where else can you go on a sunday morning and see drama for free? Yep, the church is the new theater. Blessings to you all, kiss, kiss."

For Whom The Bell Tolls

2010-07-12T17:12:00.000-05:00

Rob T. Bell is our "other Rob Bell" Hero! For all Wheaton couples who get that "ring by spring," ringing the Blanchard "Robert" Tower Bell is a way to announce it to the world! This 1,000 lb. bell was bought in 1872 to replace the cracked bell in the Blanchard Tower. The ringing of the Tower Bell was a more serious matter in its first decades, calling students to prayer, and announcing the beginning of the Spanish-American war in 1898 and the Armistice in 1918.

Eventually the mood of the bell lightened to one of announcing marriages, and most recently, engagements. For the last few decades, newly-engaged couples go "up the tower," to ring the bell announcing their engagement, leave their names on the tower wall and celebrate with friends. Couples often leave a page of photos for the Tower memory book, and have their names recorded in the "Up the Tower" list printed in the student newspaper, The Record. Alumni often return for wedding anniversaries to ring the bell again and find their names on the wall.

TOWER RING TRADITIONS:
Engagements = 3 sets of 7
Weddings = 7 sets of 3

LESSER KNOW TOWER RINGS:
Divorce = 6 sets x 66 (rung backwards)
Vow of Celibacy = 7 sets x 77
Same Sex Unions = 0 sets of 0 (unless Mel's bus horn is in the parking lot)
Nerds married to their computers = 1 set of 1
Mail Order Russian Bride = 3 sets of 3
Republican/Democrat Armistice = 70 sets x 77
Catholic/Protestant Armistice = 77 sets x 70

EVEN LESSER KNOW TOWER RINGS:
Everytime Friends are Friends Forever is played on the radio = 2 sets of 2
Everytime a Thomas Kinkade painting is sold = 3 sets of 4
Everytime Thomas Kinkade gets a DUI = 1 sets of 0
Everytime Dr. Phil uses the term "listening voice" minus the times Leland mentions "Milton" = 4 sets of 4
Everytime a student thinks he is the first to discover Jack Kerouac or Allen Ginsberg = 4 sets of 2
Everytime a student reads through the Old Testament = 100 sets of 100

A Christian Carol

2010-07-09T01:01:00.003-05:00

Johnny "Abolseed" Blanchard is our "ghost of the past" hero! Jonathan Blanchard (1811–1892) was a pastor, educator, social reformer, abolitionist and the first president of Wheaton College, which was founded in 1860.Blanchard had previously been president of Knox College in Galesburg, Illinois and was a staunch abolitionist with ties to Oberlin College. Jonathan Blanchard used the school as a platform for his abolitionist ideas and anti-Masonic advocacy, as well as for his national presidential campaign in 1884 on the Anti-Masonic Party ticket. He saw Wheaton College "as an 'arsenal' and 'drill camp' for the hosts of righteousness in the moral warfare of the world . . . a means of training social activists . . . training in removing slavery for coming milleniums."

In 1861, Jonathan Blanchard organized College Church in Wheaton. The church first met on the campus of Wheaton College as "The First Church of Christ in Wheaton." Blanchard wanted the church to be known for its opposition to slavery, secret societies, and alcohol use. Jonathan Blanchard's son, Charles A. Blanchard, succeeded him as college president in 1882 and served Wheaton in that capacity until his death in 1925. Wheaton's most recognizable and oldest building is Blanchard Hall, a limestone tower built as the Central College Building in 1853 and, subsequently, named in honor of the college's first two presidents.

In his final baccalaureate sermon, Jonathan Blanchard chose our motto as his theme - "For Christ and His Kingdom." He conceded that while "present prospects for Christ's reign here are discouraging...that mighty millennial movement, the fall of slavery showed that God still reigned. Finally, the child of God has but one thing to do, that is, to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness."

All hail Blanchard! The Abolitionist! Wheaties stand up and hail the fall of slavery!

We are proud that it was one of the Wheaton College founders who had the foresight to eliminate the practice of slavery and never let it return. Finally something we can be proud of. The College had a part in wiping a social injustice off the face of the earth! Our worldview showed us that keeping people in bondage was wrong. Each time we walk into Blanchard Hall we can give ourselves a collective "pat on the back." We did it! We pulled it off! As Wheaties we have a foundation of helping free our fellow man forever.

(the furniture shakes, the window blows open... and there before my eyes is the ghost of Christian past, Jonathan Blanchard!!!!)

The Ghost of Jonathan Blanchard: I've come to warn you that you need to do something about modern slavery in every country of the world.

Wheatie: What? Huh? No, your just kidding about that right? Isn't modern slavery illegal in every country on the globe?

The Ghost of Jonathan Blanchard: Beware young Wheaties. There are 27 million slaves living in bondage today. More than any other time in history.

Wheatie: You don't actually mean slavery, you just mean like low wage Nike and Apple factories in third world countries.

The Ghost of Jonathan Blanchard: No Wheatie, when I say slaves I mean a system in which people are the property of others. Slaves can be held against their will from the time of their capture, purchase or birth, and deprived of the right to leave, to refuse to work, or to demand wages. They are held against their will with violence, drugs, or the threat of violence. This has all happened on your watch Wheatie. God isn't very happy about this.

Wheatie: I didn't realize. Nobody every talked modern slavery in any of our classes or even church services. Sure, I heard about IJM, but I thought they just did legal stuff. 27 million slaves, huh, are you sure?

The Ghost of Jonathan Blanchard: Most are debt slaves, largely in South Asia, who are under debt bondage incurred by lenders, some for generations. Human trafficking is mostly for prostituting women and children into the sex trade. It is described as "the largest slave trade in history", is the fastest growing organized crime industry and according to predictions is set to outgrow drug trafficking.

Wheatie: JB can't we talk about something else, this is suppose to be a non-offensive, satirical blog about the Christian subculture we live in.

The Ghost of Jonathan Blanchard: More like the Christian ghetto. Chicagoland is one of the major trafficking hubs. The CIA estimates that 50K people are trafficked into the United States each year. Wheatie there are slaves living not 20 miles from campus, yet you do nothing about them. Do you care about the women who are being sold on Craigslist theraputic services right in your own backyard?

Wheatie: JB, craigslist is one place I'm glad to say I don't frequent. I had no idea, we are a community of soccer moms not ICE investigators.

The Ghost of Jonathan Blanchard: Where was the Wheaton College sweat(shop)shirt you are wearing made? You don't you care as long you can buy it cheap from Wal-Mart? Wheatie do you care about countries who have used children as soldiers for the last 10 years without anyone doing anything about it? Wheatie how does an issue get this large without Christian institutions noticing? I thought you guys were like the original super duper ONE Campaign campus? Wheatie, someday in Heaven you are gonna meet some of those slaves and they are going to ask you why were you too busy to come to their aid.

Wheatie: Well, its just not a hot topic like same sex marriage, evolution, catholicism, drinking or the new science building. Great, now I've got guilt for giving to the Wheaton Promise endowment when maybe I should have donated to help free 5-year-old kids from the sex trade in Asia. (yeah, give to both, I new you would say that) I can't even wrap my head around 27 million slaves - that's more than double the population of Illnois.

The Ghost of Jonathan Blanchard: A friendly warning Wheatie... the motto I left you isn't "For Christ and His Burger King"

Liturgical Attraction

2010-07-07T23:43:00.004-05:00

Bob Webber is our "Twilight Convergence" hero! Robert Eugene Webber (November 27, 1933 – April 27, 2007) was an American theologian known for his work on worship and the early church. He played a key role in the Convergence Movement, a move among evangelical and charismatic churches in the United States to blend charismatic worship with liturgies from the Book of Common Prayer and other liturgical sources.

Webber began teaching theology at Wheaton College in 1968. Existentialism was the primary focus of Webber's research and lectures during his first years at Wheaton. However, he soon shifted his focus to the early church. In 1985 Webber wrote Evangelicals on the Canterbury Trail: Why Evangelicals Are Attracted to the Liturgical Church, in which he described the reasons behind his own gradual shift away from his fundamentalist/evangelical background toward the Anglican tradition. Webber faced an enormous amount of criticism from evangelicals in response to this book. Nevertheless, his work was highly influential, and his ideas grew in popularity in evangelical circles.

During the latter half of his life, Webber took a special interest in Christian worship practices. He wrote more than 40 books on the topic of worship, focusing on how the worship practices of the ancient church have value for the church in the 21st century postmodern era. Among his books are Ancient-Future Faith, Ancient-Future Time, Ancient-Future Evangelism, The Younger Evangelicals, and The Divine Embrace. Webber founded The Robert E. Webber Institute of Worship Studies in Orange Park, Florida in 1998. He remained president of the institute until his death. In 2006, he organized and edited the "Call to an Ancient Evangelical Future", a document intended "to restore the priority of the divinely inspired biblical story of God's acts in history".

Today young people think that "Ancient-Future Faith" is something out of a Twilight movie. We've put together a Christianity vs. Vampire wordview quiz. How do you score?

1. Believes that the body will never die and the will be reborn as immortals:
A. Vampires
B. Christians
C. Both

2. Leadership likes to wear black cassocks and capes:
A. Vampires
B. Christians
C. Both

3. Ancient-Future Worship is:
A. Convergence worship with depth and participation
B. The Vampire Counsel of 1513
C. Not Entertainment worship, but God-directed worship
D. Evangelicalism through the lens of the early church
E. All of the above, except B.

4. "Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day"
A. quote from Ann Rice
B. quote from the Bible
C. quote from Twilight
D. quote from Wes Cravens
E. quote from from Whedon's Buffy the Vampire Slayer

5. "Keep your secrets, Keep your silence, It is a better gift than truth"
A. quote from Ann Rice
B. quote from the Bible
C. quote from Twilight
D. quote from Wes Cravens
E. quote from from Whedon's Buffy the Vampire Slayer

6. At death has a historical tradition of being "staked" with wood.
A. Vampires
B. Christians
C. Both

7. The Ancient Evangelical future is:
A. Primacy of the Biblical narrative
B. The Church is the continuation of God's narrative
C. The Church's worship as enacting God's narrative
D. Spiritual formation in the Church as embodiment of God's Narrative
E. All of the Above

8. "He is, quite simply, beyond the reach of death. "
A. quote from Ann Rice
B. quote from the Bible
C. quote from Twilight
D. quote from Wes Cravens
E. quote from Whedon's Buffy the Vampire Slayer

9. "The forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest."
A. quote from Ann Rice
B. quote from the Bible
C. quote from Twilight
D. quote from Wes Cravens
E. quote from from Whedon's Buffy the Vampire Slayer

10. "You were right, all along, about everything.... Well, no, you weren't right about your mother coming back as a pekinese."
A. quote from Ann Rice
B. quote from the Bible
C. quote from Twilight
D. quote from Wes Cravens
E. quote from from Whedon's Buffy the Vampire Slayer

11. "There is a generation, whose teeth are swords and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor off the earth."
A. quote from Ann Rice
B. quote from the Bible
C. quote from Twilight
D. quote from Wes Cravens
E. quote from from Whedon's Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Answers:
1. C, 2. C, 3. E, 4. B, 5. A, 6. B, 7. E, 8. D, 9. B&C, 10. E, 11. B.

(H.T. Nomination C.T.)

Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye

2010-07-05T10:33:00.002-05:00

TODAY'S WHEATONHEROES WRITTEN BY GUEST EDITOR DUANE LITFIN:

Dr. Phil is our "another MAN to take the reins" hero! Philip Graham Ryken was the senior pastor of the historic Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, and, on July 1, 2010, became the eighth president of Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois, succeeding the retiring Duane Litfin. Ryken received a B.A. from Wheaton in 1988, an M.Div. from Westminster Theological Seminary in 1992, and a D.Phil from Oxford in 1995. He joined the pastoral staff of Tenth in 1995 and was elevated to the position of senior pastor upon the death of James Boice in 2000. He is a member of the Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals, serving as a member of the Alliance Council, which features his expository preaching on its weekly national radio and internet broadcast, Good to the Last Drop. He has written 25 books on a wide variety of Christian subjects, mostly re-purposed from his preaching series. (the ole "get paid twice for the same job" trick) Ryken is the son of Christian literary scholar and Wheaton professor, Leland Ryken, founder of the band Leland. Ryken met his wife, Lisa, while the two were students at Wheaton. They were married after their junior year. The couple have five "precious moments" children.

Now for a special message from Duane:

Dear Donors, Alumni, Students, and Faculty (in that order)

I wanted to thank you for the years of unbridled hilarity you have given me here at the college. Thanks to all of you who helped me pick a new name for our sports teams. I'm sorry we couldn't use all the great names you came up with. Some of my favorites were the "Chrousers Trousers" "the Detox", "Pussy Willow Benchers", "The Flaming Fruitcakes", The Axis of Evil Doers", "Legalistic Eagles", "The Thunder Egos."

Now there's a few things I've wanted to say but I have had to hold my forked tongue.

First, all of you faculty who are divorced and remarried. If I had my way you would be outta here. Ok, obviously not all of you, but those of you who were responsible for it, you know who you are. Say...Grace, whaaaat???? Pack it up boys. Can you say celibacy?

Second, I think you should consider removing all those spooky Catholic texts from the library. Banned books? You betcha, cha cha. If you have learned one thing from your education here, it should be to hold on tight to your evangelical worldview. Don't let the pope lead you astray (or ashtray).

Third, the drinking and dancing thing. I was never behind that. I would go back to the old covenant. It's just that to get the new science building built, we all know you gotta be willing to give in to a few crazy donors wishes. Ryken is your turn. Step up. I think we need women back in dresses with no makeup. Bring back courting traditions.

Fourth, let's get one thing straight. This next-gen-emergent-postmodern-postpagan-evangelical is bull sh*t. Rob Bell what are thinking with those rockstar videos you are making. Either be a rockstart or be a pastor don't be both. You softies make me wanna puke. The bible isn't inherent????? Homosexuality isn't wrong???? Abortion is a womans decision???? Confessionals where YOU confess to unbelievers??? You can kiss my lily whilson ass.

Christian celebritism, book deals, tv shows and megachurches what the &*@)# are you guys thinking? I think we ex-communicate all the alumni who have ever referred to themselves in the third person. I'm just giving it to you like it is... "Duane Litfin" style.

Fifth, a word to all you rich rich kids who come to Wheaton driving your fancy luxury cars, carrying your expensive purses, flying to who knows where on spring break. I'm going to box you all up and send you to Uganda, b*tches. You worldview is as dysfunctional as your parents. (yes, even the big donor parents) Don't be using Wheaten College as a platform to go climb the corporate ladder. Don't be sitting on a bunch of mission boards. We don't need your charity in the kingdom. We need your humility. It's not how much you give away turdbrains it's about how much you keep for yourself making your iphony life all cushy and nice. Come back and talk to me when your ego is driving a used a Buick.

Finally, I say good riddance to all the little BS controversies I had to deal with over the years. Why are you weak Christians so easy offended by little sh*t. Get over it already. Faculty you guys are employees. We pay you. If you don't agree then leave. Students you are still feeble minded immature kids. Wait til you get punched in the stomach a few times during your life before you come complaining about piddly stuff. Hold a baby dying of malaria, then come tell me about how the dorm shower water isn't good for your hair. Finally donors, I don't care about your agendas. I trashed your angry emails without reading them. Maybe, just maybe, God gave you resources so you could give your money to the Kingdom without strings attached. You might even consider being anonymous. We don't need anymore donor walls. Is there anything that makes your worldview different?

Alumni if you don't believe in our values anymore, I got an easy solution for you. Pretend you didn't go to school here. Just tell everyone you went to Wheaton, in Massachusetts. You'll probably end up in their commencement address.

I'm going fishing. Godspeed.

Duane Litfin
Retired

ps. I'm Likin Ryken!

Smoked Herring.

2010-06-30T15:20:00.002-05:00

Ahh Choooo!

2010-06-30T15:05:00.000-05:00

Sacred Wit

2010-06-23T23:43:00.005-05:00

Deanna Witkowski is our "♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩" hero!♪ ♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬ ♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♬♮♩♬♮♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬ ♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬♯♩♭♬♩♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♩♬♭♬♩♩♬♩♪

♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬ ♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬ ♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♭♬♩♩♫♪ ♬♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬ ♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♬♩♪♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬♯♩♭♬♩♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♩♬♭♬♩♩♬♩♪

♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬ ♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬ ♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♬♮♩♬♮♩♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬♯♩♭♬♩♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♩♬♭♬♩♩♬♩♪

♯♩♭♬♩♩♬

♬♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬♯♩♭♬♩♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩♬♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮ ♩ ♩♬♩♩♬♯♩♭♬♩♬♮♩♩♬♩♫♪ ♬♩♬♩♪♬♮♩♩

♩ ♩♬♩♩♬ ♯♩♭♬♩♩♬♩♪♬♮

(HT Nomination: C.F.)

Peace & Humptiness Forever

2010-06-22T11:38:00.001-05:00

Dick "The Rev" Halverson is our Mother Goose hero! The Reverend Richard Christian Halverson, D.D., (1916-December 1, 1995), was born in Pingree, North Dakota.He attended Valley City State Teacher College in Valley City, North Dakota, before earning a Bachelor of Science degree from Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois, in 1939 and a Bachelor of Theology degree from Princeton Theological Seminary. Like his contemporary, Billy Graham, Henrietta Mears of the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood had a significant influence on his life. Richard Halverson was one of Henrietta Meares’s "accepted, anointed evangelists." Halverson worked at Meares’s Forest Home Conference Center in the early 1940s as manager. Halverson was married to Doris Grace Halverson and they had three children.

Halverson was a minister of the Presbyterian Church (USA) and served from 1958 until 1981 as the Senior Pastor of Fourth Presbyterian Church, Bethesda, Maryland. He was an associate of the National Prayer Breakfast movement starting in 1956. Halverson also was a member of the Board of World Vision, from 1956 to 1983, serving as chairman from 1966 to 1983. He was the President of Concern Ministries, a charitable foundation in Washington, D.C..

He served as the Chaplain of the United States Senate from February 2, 1981 until December 31, 1994. Former President Bush wrote that Halverson is "one of God's very special messengers. He is one of the most thoughtful individuals I have ever met... He cared deeply, and this caring was so evident to me and to the members of Congress whose paths crossed his."

Halverson thought of the U.S. Senate as one big nursery school, infact he prayed for the Senators in that context. One of his most infamous opening prayers for the Senate included: ‘‘Heavenly Father, Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. And all the kings horses and all the kings men, could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again, and Lord, help the Senators not repeat that experience here.’’

Here is a collection of several other nursery prayers that The Rev prayed as Chaplain of the Senate in the 80's:

‘‘Heavenly Father, Jack, be nimble, Jack, be quick, Jack, jump over The candlestick. Jack jumped high, Jack jumped low, Jack jumped over and burned his toe. Lord, Jack Kemp needs to stop jumping and put on more than a band-aid to fix the Federal Housing Administration. Amen."

"O Lord, Jack and Jill Went up to the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Father, I think it's times like these that Senators need to fetch their own pails of water. Teach them to thirst just as Steve Guttenberg thirsts."

"Lord God, Today we know that Old King Cole was a merry old soul, And a merry old soul was he. He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl, And he called for his fiddlers three. We come to you today and ask for wisdom to help Ronald Reagan's old soul listen to you, so that he won't trust in the first lady's psychics."

"Jesus we call on you, 1, 2 One, two, buckle my shoe; 3, 4 Three, four, knock at the door; 5, 6 Five, six, pick up sticks; 7, 8 Seven, eight, lay them straight; 9, 10 Nine, ten, a good fat hen. Lord, we ask that Gorbachev doesn't knock on that door and instead those sticks get disarmed."

"Almighty God, All around the mulberry bush, The monkey chased the weasel. The monkey thought 'twas all in fun. Pop! goes the weasel. God we just ask your prayers for all the weasels in congress. Let the monkeys chase them out, and bring in the truth."

‘‘Heavenly Father, Three blind mice, See how they run! They all ran after a farmer's wife, Who cut off their tails with a carving knife. Did you ever see such a sight in your life, As three blind mice? This morning we ask that these Senators will stop running after the farmer's wives, but be men of honor and integrity. Less they be chased by a carving knife. Can I hear an AMEN."

‘‘Heavenly Father, To market, to market, to buy a fat pig, Home again, home again, jiggety jig. Lord, please reduce inflation. We ask that trickle down economics might be in line with your will."

"Lord God, Wee Willie Winkie, Runs through the town, Upstairs and downstairs In his nightgown. Rapping at the windows, Crying through the lock, "Are the children all in bed? For it's now eight o'clock. God help congress to ban 2LIVECREW, who is rapping into our children's windows."

(HT: Nomination R.R.)

All the Views Fit to Print.

2010-06-14T13:30:00.004-05:00

Georgia Irwin Douglass our "ignore the sinner, hate the sin" hero! Georgia Irwin Douglass '70, '94 is the Director of Marketing Communications at Wheaton, and editor of the Wheaton Magazine. She has lived in the Wheaton area for more than 44 years, returning to campus as an employee 26 years ago. She considers the magazine her "night job" because as an editor she often lies awake at night creating story ideas, writing headlines and captions, designing layouts and keeping the conservative code alive.

Also...

April Silas is our "invisible" hero! April Silas is the Executive Director of Homeless Children's Network. Ms. Silas has an MA in Psychology and Political Science, JD, and is a PhD Candidate in Social Research. She is responsible for implementing the Child Care Consultation program in Shelter-based Child Care Centers and Family Child Care Provider sites. Silas did not go to Wheaton College, but her life partner, Carolyn Reyes '91 did. April and her life partner, Carolyn live in the Bay Area with their two Labs, Zendo and Tenzo. Together they enjoy reading, sitting very, very still, backpacking and painting rainbows. Also they practice Buddhism at the Zen Center in San Francisco. They recently announced the birth of their daughter, Kairos. (the name meaning "right or opportune moment")

Wait a minute... I just read the latest Wheaton College Magazine's Newcomers section, strange, I saw Carolyn but it didn't say anything about April Silas. I just assumed that Carolyn had a baby out of "wedlock" and was going to be raising the child by herself, or maybe a shotgun wedding was going to be announced in the next issue. Now I understand, duh, I should have figured it out with the living in the "Bay Area" thing.

Let me ask Georgia.

Wheatie: Hello Georgia, this is Wheatie. Love the new issue, lots of great history. Articles on slavery, secret societies, Harv Chrouser dressing up looking like a lady, kissing teachers, and war protesters. Wow! But... I was reading the "newcomers" section and saw Carolyn Reyes name but not her life partner, April Silas. Why?

Georgia: Thank you, Wheatie. Yes, it is a fantastic issue chronicling the long history of Wheaton. (long pause) Oh, the April Silas thing, hmmm, you saw that did you. Well I really can't say anything about it. Why don't you call President Litfin and ask him.

------------------------

Wheatie: Hello President Litfin this is Wheatie Heroes.

President Litfin: Hello there Wheatie. I've been reading your blog, can't say that I'm a fan. Although the picture of me dressed up like a woman was kinda funny and their beer tie thing, my grandkids loved that. I'm kinda sad right now, I'm just here in my office packing up the place. You know, I retire in just 17 days. So Wheatie, what can I do for you today?

Wheatie: Sorry to see you go, but I've got a question for you before you do. The last issue of the Wheaton Magazine had a birth announcement for Carolyn Reyes, but edited out her gay, life partners name. Why would you do something like that Duane, why Duane?

President Litfin: Wheatie, Wheatie, Wheatie. You know when you were a student here, you agreed to pledge to a set of convictions. Wheaton is a voluntary community of people who share a set of convictions, living, working and teaching out of those convictions even as alumni. We understand the nature of this kind of institution and what it requires to retain this kind of institution over the longer term. Read my book, "Conceiving the Christian College" and you will see that we need to be crusaders, I mean thunder-ers for preserving our religious identity. Carolyn Reyes clearly isn't "married" by our legal system, her parter isn't recognized by the State of California, so I don't see why we would would recognize her in the Wheaton Magazine.

Wheatie: I'm still confused. So if a student who attended here goes off and makes different lifestyle choices that goes against the schools/Biblical beliefs, you they become an "ex-communciated alumni?" So you are saying that by including something like that in the magazine, the institution is endorsing that lifestyle? For example if I played for the Lakers and all of a sudden I decided to play for the Celtics, you might include my photo but burn out the Celtics logo?

President Litfin: Love the sinner, hate the sin. Don't rock the boat. Keep the donors happy. Show grace, but be a doctrinal policeman. That's all I have to say on the topic, feel free to discuss it amongst yourselves. But... please wait til July 1st to bring it up again with Dr. Phil. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.

------------------------

If it makes you feel any better we also founded these last issue edits in the trash can of the magazine office:

editoral edit: "I presume that you have your own catholic problems there just as we did..."

editoral edit: "We were told that the first student entering her room in the new year would get a big, deep, fat smooch of purple lipstick"

editoral edit: " I spent three months this summer hitchhiking around the Territory of Alaska, boning, preaching and writing articles."

editoral edit: The decline is attributed to lazy donors and a total return of -18.8%...

editoral edit: Ethiopia has much to teach the fat americans," Chris says "We have blind spots and don't even see that we are a bunch of consumeristic bastards."

editoral edit: remove tittle, scratch that I guess it's not sexual

editoral edit: "throwing water, dirty magazines and women's panties from the windows."

(HT Nomination C.F.)

Left Behind. Be Kind. Rewind.

2010-06-11T12:22:00.007-05:00

Johnny "Rapture" Walvoord is our "dispensationalist" hero! John F. Walvoord (May 1, 1910 – Dec. 20, 2002) was a Christian theologian, pastor, and president of Dallas Theological Seminary from 1952 to 1986. He was the author of over 30 books, focusing primarily on eschatology and theology including The Rapture Question, and was co-editor of The Bible Knowledge Commentary with Roy B. Zuck. He earned AB and DD degrees from Wheaton College, an AM degree from Texas Christian University in philosophy, a ThB, ThM, and ThD in Systematic theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and a LittD from Liberty Baptist Seminary.

After continuing his education at Wheaton College, Walvoord went on to Texas Christian University and Dallas Theological Seminary where he completed his ThD in 1936. Seminary president and mentor Lewis Sperry Chafer appointed Walvoord registrar. During his tenure, he also taught systematic theology at the seminary, and pastored the Rosen Heights Presbyterian church in Fort Worth. Walvoord became more involved in the administration of the school, serving as Chafer’s assistant and secretary to the faculty, and upon Chafer’s death in 1952, became the seminary’s second president where he served until his retirement in 1986.

In addition to his responsibilities at the seminary, Walvoord earned a reputation as one of the most influential dispensational theologians of the twentieth century and played a prominent role in advocating a rapture of Christians from the earth prior to a time of great tribulation, followed by a literal thousand-year millennial reign of Christ, and a renewed focus of God on the nation of Israel as distinct from the church.

If you slept through Bible class, here's a recap of the current millennialism views:

Premillennialism: is the Christian end-times theology is the belief that Jesus will literally and physically be on the earth for his millennial reign, at his second coming. The doctrine is called premillennialism because it holds that Jesus’s physical return to earth will occur prior to the inauguration of the millennium.

Dispensationalist Premillennialists: affirms a future, literal 1,000 year reign of Jesus Christ which merges with and continues on to the eternal state in the "new heavens and the new earth," and they hold that the millennial kingdom will be theocratic in nature and not mainly soteriological, as it is viewed by George Ladd and others who hold to a non-dispensational form of premillennialism.

Amillennialists: is a view in Christian end-times theology named for its rejection of the theory that Jesus Christ will have a thousand-year long, physical reign on the earth. This is in opposition to premillennial and some postmillennial views of chapter 20 of the Book of Revelation.

Postmillennialists: believes in Christian end-times theology, postmillennialism is an interpretation of chapter 20 of the Book of Revelation which sees Christ's second coming as occurring after (Latin post-) the "Millennium", a Golden Age or era of Christian prosperity and dominance.

Historic Premillennialists: is the Christian eschatological view which teaches that the second coming of Jesus Christ will occur prior to a thousand-year reign of the saints, but subsequent to the great apostasy and the tribulation.

But... You may not be familiar with these:

Amademajadmillennialism: is a view in Christian end-times theology named after Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who is only world leader to wear a 1980's "Member's Only" jacket and hold the belief that he will defeat God's Chosen People (The Lakers) using a mystical technology called nuclear energy.

Piniellamillennialism: is the Christian end-times theology is the belief that Jesus will literally and physically be on the earth for his millennial reign, at his second coming. The doctrine is called Piniellamillennialism because it holds that Jesus’s physical return will happen only after the Cubs win the pennant.

DungusMangulaneousmillennialism: In Christian end-times theology, DungusMangulaneousmillennialism is an interpretation of chapter 20 of the Book of Revelation which sees Christ's second coming as occurring after the "Millennium", a Golden Age or era of rock'n'roll and sanctified Coors Party Balls.

ColeLuckyIIImillennialism: - is the Christian end-times theology is the belief that Jesus will literally and physically be on the earth for his millennial reign, at his second coming. The doctrine is called ColeLuckyIIImillennialism because it is based on the occult books locked up in the secret cage in the attic of the Billy Graham Center Archives.

Rykenmillennialism: is the Christian end-times theology is the belief that Jesus will literally and physically be on the earth for his millennial reign, at his second coming and become the eighth president of "The College." The doctrine is called Rykenmillennialism because it holds that Jesus’s physical return will mean that Phil Ryken will only get be president for the first 100 days.

Haggardmillennialism: is the Christian end-times theology is the belief that Jesus will literally and physically be on the earth for his millennial reign, at his second coming. The doctrine is called Haggardmillennialism because it holds that Jesus will not return as long as Ted Haggard is pastoring a church somewhere.

(HT Nomination: L.J.)

Jesus loves you more than you will know.

2010-06-10T15:37:00.005-05:00

Harrod & Funck are our "makes me wanna cry" heroes! Harrod & Funck '92 are an American singer-songwriter duo consisting of Jason Harrod and Brian Funck. They formed the group Tom & Jerry in 1982, and had their first taste of success with the minor hit "Hey, Mad Girlfriend". As Harrod & Funck, the duo rose to fame in 1991, backed by the hit single "The Sounds of Sirens". Their music was featured in the landmark film The Graduate, propelling them further into the public consciousness.

They are well known for their close vocal harmonies and sometimes unstable relationship. Their last album, Live, was delayed several times due to artistic disagreements. They were among the most popular recording artists of the 1990s; among their biggest hits, in addition to "The Sounds of Sirens", were "I Am a Jill C. Rock", "When I Get Homeward Bound", "A Hazy Shade of Winter", "Mrs. Something", "Nethy Bridge over Troubled Water", "The Grashopper", "Cecilia Come Clean", and "Scarborough Fair/Carolina". They have received several Grammys and are inductees in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Long Island Music Hall of Fame (2007). They have reunited on several occasions since their 1998 breakup, most famously for 1981's The Concert in Central Park, which attracted about 500,000 people.

Close friends through childhood, Jason Harrod and Brian Funck, grew up in Connecticut, just block states away from each other. They met in elementary school in 1976, when they both appeared in the school play Alice in Wonderland (Harrod as the White Rabbit, Funck as the Cheshire Cat). They were classmates at Parsons Junior High School and Forest Hills High School, and began performing together in their junior year as Harold and Frank, with Harrod as Harold Landis (whose last name he borrowed from a girl he had been dating) and Funck as Frank Graph (so called because he was fond of tracking ("graphing") hits on the pop charts).

They later performed their hit on American Bandstand, right after Michael W. Smith performed "Friends are Friends Forever".

In 1993, they found prominence as part of the Greenwich Village folk music scene. By 1997, the duo's success began to take its toll. Funck had begun to pursue a career in acting and was featured in the role of I.M. Pei in Nichols's film adaptation of the novel Jury Duty. Funck's filming leave conflicted with and subsequently delayed the recording of the duo's next album. The part in the film which had initially been promised to Harrod was completely cut from the script.

The duo's deteriorating personal relationship continued into their late 1997 tour, which featured performances at Medusa's in Chicago on November 11 and Wheaton College in Illinois on November 8, recordings of which are supposedly widely bootlegged. Harrod refused to record a Bach chorale track favored by Funck, while Funck refused to record a song Harrod had written called "Nemo Incognito". No middle ground was reached, so the album was released with only eleven songs.

The duo finally split in 1998 to much chagrin but little surprise, and the two men went their separate ways.

Harrod continued writing and went on to a very successful solo music career, recording several classic albums, including Living in Skin, Bright as You, and his most highly celebrated solo album, Bright as You, collaborating with the Zulu choir Ladysmith Black Mambazo, among others. Harrod won first place in the bluegrass category of MerleFest’s Chris Austin Songwriting competition, an honor held by Grammy Nominees Tift Merritt and Gillian Welch. Jason followed that up with a first place win in the North Carolina Songwriters Co-Op contest and in 2002 appeared on Arthur Smith’s Carolina Calling with Alison Krauss and Union Station. He was chosen to showcase at the International Bluegrass Music Association’s (IMBA) World of Bluegrass Convention. Harrod lives in New York City with his Iguana named BrainFunk.

Funck split his time between filming and editing to mixed reviews. His most critically acclaimed project was the 2004 effort Dave Hollister & A.Z.,WB Records, Kasey Chambers and American Choppers. Brian currently resides in Hollywood, CA with his wife Sara and son Graham.

All Pfund & Games

2010-06-04T12:20:00.003-05:00

Randy Pfund is our "BooYah" hero! Randy Pfund '74 (born December 29, 1951 in Wheaton, Illinois) is an American former National Basketball Association (NBA) head coach and a former NBA executive. He was an assistant coach for the Los Angeles Lakers under Pat Riley and Mike Dunleavy, and was the team's head coach during the 1992–93 and 1993–94 seasons, although he was let go near the end of his second season, being replaced for the remainder of the year by Magic Johnson. He was the general manager for the Miami Heat until 2008 when he became Pfunked.

As General Manager Randy Pfund led efforts to make the HEAT one of the best in the NBA. Pfund, in a nutshell, was HEAT President Pat Riley’s right hand man when it comes to player negotiations and organizational operations. Pfund managed the HEAT’s Basketball Operations department. His thorough work in the field of talent evaluation, produced four consecutive Atlantic Division Championships (1996-2000) for the first time in franchise history, the Southeast Division Championship in 2005, eight postseason berths, including a franchise-record six straight postseason appearances(1996-2001), and has helped Miami post the sixth best record (455-333, .577 winning percentage)in the NBA over that span and the second best mark in the Eastern Conference. Additionally, Miami’s five division titles the last nine years ties San Antonio for the most in the NBA.

Together with Riley, Pfund has orchestrated several blockbuster trades and key free agent signings, the results of which have landed the HEAT NBA All-Stars Shaquille O’Neal, Eddie Jones, Antoine Walker, Gary Payton, Tim Hardaway and Alonzo Mourning, as well as Jason Williams, Lamar Odom and Brian Grant. With the drafting of Dwyane Wade, Caron Butler, Dorell Wright and Wayne Simien, in addition to the veteran acquisitions, Pfund has helped re-structure the HEAT’s roster. The secret suace? Yep it was Riley's hair gel, players just kept staring at his hair til they signed on the dotted line. "what is that? how does it stay looking wet?"

In addition to his administrative duties, Pfund brought a wealth of NBA knowledge, having worked in the league since 1985. His pro career began when Riley, who was head coach of the Lakers at the time, asked him to join his staff as an assistant coach. He held that position for seven years and helped the Lakers win a pair of NBA Championships in 1987 and 1988. In 1992, he succeeded Mike Dunleavy as the Lakers’ top man and posted a 66-80 mark in two seasons and led his 1992-93 team to the Lakers’ 17th consecutive postseason appearance.

Pfund grew up in Wheaton, IL and starred in both basketball and football at North High before beginning a stellar basketball career at Wheaton College where his father Lee was head coach. Randy is also has 2 brothers, John and Kerry who with Randy combined to score a total of 4,762 points at Wheaton. Randy, who earned honorable mention All America honors in 1974, currently ranks as Wheaton’s all-time assist leader (478) and is among the all-time leaders in field goals made (fourth), points scored (sixth), scoring average (sixth) and free throws made (ninth). Pfund is single and lives in Miami Beach. Party at Randy's.

WheatonHeroes did a late night Q&A call with Randy after game 1 of the Lakers-Celtics NBA Finals:

WH: So Randy lets get right to it, is Khloe Kardashian pregnant with Lamar's kid?
RP: No, as she said 'I'm just fat', but too bad she isn't pregnant with a little boy because by the 7th game of this series the Lakers are going to need some new talent to get the job done. And... it's a good thing her pop still isn't around, or your ass would be sued.

WH: How bout all this numerology stuff, the fact that Phil Jackson’s has an eerie record of being 47-0 in playoff series in which his team wins Game 1.
RP: That’s the beauty of statistics. You can make them say anything and they really mean nothing. I went to bed in the 3rd, the Celtics didn't pose a challenge worth staying fully awake for. Koooooooobie!

WH: Speaking of Phil Jackson, whadaya hear, whadaya know?
RP: That ain't no Reinsdork. Never happen, not even LeBron could make the deep dish pizza taste good again. Stay on the Buss, Gus.

WH: Is Gasol a big softie?
RP: The guy's a 7 footer, gimme a break, it was going to be physical. That's a given. Last night was free donut night at Staples - all the Gasol Dunkin you could eat. Sunday, its free shamrock shakers from McBrowns.

WH: If you were still coach what would you do differently?
RP: It's a young team, they got lots of energy, hard working, they are moving the ball well, I guess, I would sit them down and make them go to chapel everyday, like we did back at Wheaton, none of this Phil Jackson zen crap. I would bring in Rick Warren as the chaplain to motivate the team, give 'em purpose! Also I'd ban all celebrities from the stadium and give the tickets away in Compton. (Ok, Don Cheadle and Dyan Cannon could stay)

WH: Who do you think played the best tonight? Kareem? Bird?, Parish? Worthy? Magic? McHale? Russell?
RP: You know nothing about Basketball - do you Wheatie?
WH: Ummm, Go Blackhawks?

WH: Thanks for your time Pfund, any chance you'd comeback at follow in you dad's footsteps and coach at Wheaton?
RP: When it stops snowing in the winters. I'm gonna go start a farm league in Uganda & Malawi.

(HT Nomination: J.C.)

Bringin' the Thunder

2010-06-03T10:56:00.004-05:00

Cory McCloskey is our "Smack Down" Hero! Cory McCloskey '83 better known by his ring name "Whirlybird" is an American film and television actor and professional wrestler. After Wheaton, McCloskey got his start on-air at a small station WGEM-TV doing Saturday Night Wrestling in Quincy, Illinois in 1989. Before that he spent several years in show business. McCloskey has played East Coast stages from New York to Washington, and also appeared on NBC’s "Another World." As a wrestler, he provided voice work for several national commercials. Cory's had the privilege of opening a Suns game with the national anthem. Outside the ring he occasionally performs in an a cappella quartet, "Good Medicine." McCloskey earned the name "Whirlybird" after a whirly smack down of an 8-year old who flipped the camera "the bird."

McCloskey wrestled for several well-known wrestling promotions such as World Championship Wrestling (WCW), Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW) and most famously, the World Wrestling Federation (WWF), which later became World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) in 2002. Cited by WWE.com and owner Vince McMahon as the most popular wrestler in the company's history, McCloskey gained significant mainstream popularity in the WWF during the mid-to-late 1990s as "The Whirlybird" Cory McCloskey, a blonde, antihero who routinely defied McMahon, his boss. This defiance was often shown by McCloskey hitting McMahon with his "McClocker" his finishing move. McMahon inducted McCloskey into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2009. McCloskey held nineteen championships throughout his professional wrestling career, and is a six-time WWF Champion. He was also the winner of the 1996 King of the Ring tournament, as well as the 1997, 1998 and 2001 Royal Rumbles. McCloskey and his wife, Mary Jane(not a stage name), live in Surprise, Arizona with their three daughters, two dogs, cat, gerbil and lizard.

Oops, apparently we've pulled a "Curry" - Cory isn't a wrestler! He is the weather man for the Fox affiliate in Phoenix, Arizona. Cory handles the weather duties on "FOX 10 Arizona Morning" weekdays from 5am to 9am and during "FOX 10 News @ Noon." He not only does the weather, he brings a slice of life from around Arizona into each newscast. Sorry Cory, sunny days ahead!

(HT Nomination: C.V.)

Yeah...nice

This Bud's for You.

2010-06-02T11:07:00.003-05:00

Bud Williams is our "super" hero! Dr. Bud Williams '66 needs no introduction.

Bud recently crushed the HoneyRock in his bare hands, now it's called HoneyDiamond.

Bud Williams knows how to plug the gulf oil leak, he would dive down and change the law of physics.

Bud Williams carried Perry Mastodon on his back to the new science building.

Bud Williams is the reason Wheaton Heroes is afraid to reveal his identity.

Bud Williams can sing along with all the Momja Kitty Warrior songs even before they are written.

Bud Williams has 2 speeds. Sprint and slalom.

Bud Williams doesn't own a chainsaw he just chews through the tree.

Bud Williams makes salad out of poison ivy.

Bud William's snoring creates earthquakes.

Bud Williams would have won the World Series 12 times if he had played for the Cubs.

Bud Williams only sleeps 3 hours a night, the rest of the time he is rotating the planet toward the sun.

Bud Williams wrote his syllabus on a computer he made himself out of old ford truck parts.

Bud Williams has wrestled 4 of the 7 Wheaton Presidents while using just his mind.

Bud Williams made Bud Wise Beer change their name to Budweiser.

Bud Williams doesn't ring the bell in the tower, he rings the tower.

Bud Williams gave Wes Craven nightmares.

Bud Williams gave blood once, they haven't run out yet.

Bud Williams ate Bolthouse Carrots once, now he can see through buildings.

Bud Williams rounded off Pi.

Bud Williams prays that Chuck Norris will someday "man up."

Bud Williams knows the names of all the animals in the forest, Adam told him personally.

Bud Williams doesn't drink milk out of a carton, he drinks the carton.

Bud Williams gave Gil Dodds a four minute head start.

Bud Williams carved a canoe out of petrified wood, blindfolded.

Bud Williams requires a fisheye lens and a football field for Vergara to take a portrait.

Bud Williams has built his own ropes course, it's called the Golden Gate Bridge.

Bud Williams challenged Barack Obama to a game of H O R S E, he now owns the US Treasury.

Bud Williams knows where Osama Bin Laden is, but he is giving him time to confess his sins.

Bud Williams coached the Olympic Gymnastic team and they won the weight lifting competition.

Bud Williams is a computer, his operating system is asparagus.

Bud Williams is ancient future.

Bud Williams makes Jack Bauer look laid back.

Bud Williams is off the Engel Scale.

Bud Williams ghost writes all of Michael Gerson's speeches.

Bud Williams catches his own food to eat, they usually surrender.

Bud Williams knew William Perry when he was still a dorm fridge.

Bud Williams was the reason the Dude abided.

Bud Williams doesn't watch tv, tv watches him.

Bud Williams didn't invent global warming, but with enough bike riding he will fix it.

Bud Williams can fit through an eye of a needle.

Bud Williams never sat through a chapel he liked, he stood.

Bud Williams doesn't clear the forest for trails, the forest gets out of his way.

Bud Williams can multiply by zero.

Bud Williams taught Winston Churchill not to give up.

Bud Williams was the inspiration for Johnny Knoxville.

Bud Williams walks onto campus and students yell "man on campus."

Bud Williams forgot Ann Curry's alma mater, on purpose.

Bud Williams beat Batman at arm wrestling, for six weeks after that Bud Williams had to fight crime.

Bud Williams would be stronger than Sampson, if he didn't cut his hair.

Bud Williams sweats XS Energy Drink™, Classic flavor.

Bud Williams makes his own electricity, while he sleeps.

Bud Williams doesn't get older, he goes farther.

Bud Williams cuts his own firewood after he digs up the roots.

Bud Williams would have already beaten the Philadelphia Flyers for the cup.

Bud Williams first job was logging, that's where Lake Michigan is now.

Bud Williams climbed to the top of the antenna on the Sears Tower and it became the tallest building in the world again.

Bud Williams is why Bono wrote the song, "Original of the Species"

Bud Williams has the real Wheaton Archives in his hand built garage, including a mystery cage.

Moses to Malone

2010-06-01T16:08:00.008-05:00

Dave Malone is our keeper of the crypt hero! David B. Malone '92 is Assistant Professor, Library Science and Head of Archives and Special Collections at Wheaton College.

Malone's main duties revolve around serving as a manuscripts librarian for the College's archive and the Library's special collections. In that capacity Malone provides bibliographic and research instruction for various general education and upper-division courses; patron reference and collection development for general, archival, and special collections; and, cataloging and processing of archival and special collections material. Malone also provides special subject lectures for various general education and upper-division courses, such as Historical Inquiry, Age of Johnson, New Testament Literature, and others. The College Archives documents Wheaton history, while the Special Collections provides rare and unique resources for research or general interest.

Malone is liaison to Intercultural Studies and the Institute for the Study of American Evangelicals: his role as liaison for the above departments and programs, and aids the classroom faculty in the acquisition, provision, facilitation, and instruction in use of information resources and research in the areas of cross-cultural studies, mission, evangelism, and American Evangelicalism.

Malone is an expert on Wheaton's first president Jonathan Blanchard and his abolitionist activities, including the abolitionists he associated with, like Owen Lovejoy, a Wheaton trustee. Malone is also a historian of the U.S. Civil War as it relates to the issue of slavery and the Christian church. When his nose isn't stuck in a book, Malone is watching documentaries and cooking shows.

Malone shared these little known artifacts with us:

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution article from September 18, 1950 after a Billy Graham Crusade. Graham stopped taking Love Offerings after they published this backstage photo.

Beloved mole "Lilygloves" - C.S. Lewis

had him stuffed at his home in Oxford.

Photo of Bill Gothard in 1964 with long hair.

Michael Gerson's old desk with his chewing gum stuck undeneath.

Duane Litfin's "liberate the covenant" beer tie.

The Cross of Coronation discovered by Dr. Jones and Josh McDowel in the hidden Seven Cities of Cibola.

Wes Craven backscratchers, once accidently borrowed by the

grounds department to trim the hedges.

Blanchard Brew, Wheaton's first commemorative beer.

(H.T. Nomination P.R.)

FUZZY Logic

2010-05-28T23:08:00.001-05:00

Lloyd Graf is our "stick on" hero! Lloyd Graf (October 23, 1922 – March 19, 2003) '45 was a Christian educator and author who had a significant impact on sunday school curriculum in the 20th century.

Graf is best known for his work as Christian Education Director of Cincinnati Bible Church, In Cincinnati, Ohio. Literally hundreds of men and women came out of his Sunday School program into full-time Christian service. Graf was a gifted educator and was known as "Sp Graf" by those in his program. Graf also founded Good Commision Great News, a publishing company, and Snokaktonka Lake, a Christian Bible camp. Among the many he influenced was John McLean, and John Maxwell and James Daly. His book, Visualizing Bible Stories for the Modern Age, has sold over a million copies. Graf never married.

Graf is probably best known for creating the FlannelGraf Bible story system. It is a system that uses a board covered with flannel fabric, usually resting on an easel. It is very similar to Fuzzy felt, although its primary use is as a storytelling medium, rather than as a toy. The FlannelGraf is usually painted to depict a background scene appropriate to the story being told. Paper cutouts of characters and objects in the story are then placed on the board, and moved around, as the story unfolds. These cutouts are backed, either with flannel, or with some other substance that adheres lightly to the flannel background, such as coarse sandpaper.

The FlannelGraf is used as a storytelling method almost exclusively in elementary level Christian education. This may be attributed, in part, to the fact that flannelgraph is relatively inexpensive, yet provides a more vivid alternative to storytelling without visual illustration.

Here are our 10 favorite FlannelGraf scenes: